壕的网络恶搞

1两个黄鹂鸣翠柳 土豪我们做朋友， 青山不改绿水长流，土豪我对你的情谊永不变，两岸猿声啼不住，我为土豪穿皮裤，上穷碧落下黄泉。土豪求求你别走，桃花潭水深千尺,不及土豪送我情，床前明月光，土豪我暖床。土豪，深情地问一句“做个朋友好不好！！！！！”

2最近很多人说要和土豪做朋友。平心而论，就算和土豪成了朋友又怎么样呢？吃人嘴软拿人手短，老是占人家便宜，就得付出尊严为代价，就得唯唯诺诺，就得低人一等。你能接受在这种情况下得来的便宜吗？反正我能，土豪请和我做朋友

3两个黄鹂鸣翠柳，土豪我们做朋友！乱花渐欲迷人眼，土豪才能来搞基！云鬓花颜金步摇，我与土豪度春宵！春花秋月何时了，我是土豪大家好。 停车坐爱枫林晚，土豪我们来一发？忽如一夜春风来，土豪为我把门开。日照香炉生紫烟，土豪来我这边先！

4“你人挺好的，但是我们不适合，我们还是做朋友吧” “太棒了，就等你这句话！”，我对土豪说。

5日落西山红霞飞，土豪带刺的玫瑰。衣带渐宽终不悔，想和土豪亲亲嘴！ 路见不平一声吼，抱住土豪不要走！锦瑟无端五十弦，土豪给我两块钱！红杏枝头春意闹，愿为土豪捡肥皂！桃花潭水深千尺，土豪拉屎我递纸！

6小明不小心把一块儿劳力士金表掉进河里，不一会儿河神拿着小明的那块儿劳力士金表浮上来说：土豪，土豪，我们做朋友好不好嘛。

7现在的社会怎么了？看到土豪就忘了自己的身份，什么节操都不要了，还贱兮兮贴上去的说土豪请和我做朋友？省省吧，土豪怎么可能看上你们这种人？请土豪远离这些败类，和我做朋友。

8一行白鹭上青天，土豪土豪看这边！沧海月明珠有泪，我给土豪锤锤背！二月春风似剪刀，我为土豪来吹箫！待到秋来九月八，我为土豪洗菊花！相看两不厌，土豪送我钱。春花秋月何时了，我是土豪大家好。

9一上高楼万里愁，我给土豪推推油！路见不平一声吼，抱住土豪不松口。天若有情天亦老，土豪请给我舔脚！众里寻他千百度，我给土豪走两步！李白乘舟将欲行，看见土豪忙喊停。

10美女问她的心理医生:“我拥有财富和美貌，却空虚。”医生问道：“何谓财富和美貌？”美女回道：“我奢侈，我的爱马仕香奈儿堆成山，我自恋，天天拿着Meitukiss自拍。”医生淡然一笑，伸出一只手，温柔的眼神让美女有些小鹿乱撞：“医生，你看出我的脆弱了吗？”“不，土豪，我们可以做朋友吗？”

11独在异乡为异客，土豪请我必胜客！但使龙城飞将在，土豪也要谈恋爱！醉卧沙场君莫笑，土豪过来睡个觉。一骑红尘妃子笑，无人知是土豪来！人生得意须尽欢，我给土豪搓汤圆！浮生长恨欢娱少，我给土豪洗洗脚！

12上课时候，老师问小明说：“我有十斤黄金和十斤棉花，你来说一说哪个重。”小明一听，‘扑通’一声跪下了，抱着老师大腿说“土豪！土豪我们当朋友吧！”

13“土豪我们做朋友吧！”

“嫌弃。”

“土豪我们做朋友吧！”

“不要。”

“土豪我们做朋友吧！”

“醒醒。”

“土豪我们做朋友吧！”

“我都说不要了你烦不烦啊来来回回都是这一句。”

“那……土豪我们结婚吧！”

“好。”

Hard Out Here - Lily Allen

I supposed I should tell you what this bitch is thinking

You'll find me in the studio and not in the kitchen

I will be bragging about my cars

Or talking about my chains

Don't need to shape my ass for you

Cause I've got a brain

If I told you about my sex life

You call me a slut

But when boys are talking about their bitches

No one's making a fuzz

There's a glass ceiling to break

Uh hu, there's money to make

And now it's time to speed it up

Cause I can't move in this pace

Sometimes it's hard to find the words to say

I'll go ahead and say them anyway

Forget your balls and grow a pair of tits

It's hard, it's hard, it's hard out here

For a bitch it's hard

（for a bitch, for a bitch）

For a bitch it's hard

It's hard out here

For a bitch it's hard

（for a bitch, for a bitch）

For a bitch it's hard

It's hard out here

If you're not a size six

And you're not good looking

Well, you better be rich

Or be a real good at cooking

You should probably lose some weight

Cause we can't see your bones

You should probably fix your face

Or you'll end up on your own

Well, you ought to have somebody

Who objectifies you

Have you thought about you body

Who's gonna tear your suit

We've never had it so good

Uh hu, we're all running lose

And if you can't detect the suckers

Then you missunderstood

Sometimes it's hard to find the words to say

I'll go ahead and say them anyway

Forget your balls and grow a pair of teets

It's hard, it's hard, it's hard out here

For a bitch it's hard

（for a bitch, for a bitch）

For a bitch it's hard

It's hard out here

For a bitch it's hard

（for a bitch, for a bitch）

For a bitch it's hard

It's hard out here

（a bitch, a bitch, a bitch, bitch, bitch）

（a bitch, a bitch, a bitch, bitch, bitch）

（a bitch, a bitch, a bitch, bitch, bitch）

In a crawler, you promises

That is here to stay

Always trusting, injustice

Cause it's not going away

In a crawler, you promises

That is here to stay

Always trusting, injustice

Cause it's not going away

Sometimes it's hard to find the words to say

I'll go ahead and say them anyway

Forget your balls and grow a pair of teets

It's hard, it's hard, it's hard out here

For a bitch it's hard

（for a bitch, for a bitch）

For a bitch it's hard

It's hard out here

For a bitch it's hard

（for a bitch, for a bitch）

For a bitch it's hard

It's hard out here

Bitch it's hard

（for a bitch, for a bitch）

For a bitch it's hard

It's hard out here

For a bitch it's hard

（for a bitch, for a bitch）

For a bitch it's hard

It's hard out here