英语笑话

英文幽默笑话Misc Jokes

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car

Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40

Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture of handcuffs The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine

A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested

Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court He handed it over so the judge could see it The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five minute recess to compose himself

Oklahoma City:

Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court when he fired his lawyer Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your (expletive) head off" The defendant paused, then quickly added, "if I'd been the one that was there"

The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30 year sentence

Detroit:

RC Gaitlan, 21 walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two year old armed robbery in St Louis, Missouri

Colorado Springs:

Guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21" The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag The robber then ran from the store with his loot The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license They arrested the robber two hours later

参考资料：

http://wwwwebstorycn

A man goes to church and starts talking to God He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少"上帝回答:"一便士"男子又问:"那一百万年呢"上帝说:"一秒钟"最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗"上帝回答:"过一秒钟"

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins" The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins" After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets" Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers" Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says

"Congratulations, you got twins x2" Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons" All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong I work for 7up"!

四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎"男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理"过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎"男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了我是3M公司的董事"最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎"男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作"他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"

呵呵,一个比一个效率高

Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together" The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile" The genie said the magic words and the wish came true Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out" President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridgeFill it with water!!!

拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵精灵说:"我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个"加拿大人说:"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃"精灵说了咒语愿望实现了拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了布什总统问:"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情"精灵回答:"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去"布什总统说:"哇!那是座大桥耶注满水!!!"

My Baby Swallowed a Bullet

Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet What shall I do

Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody"

Notes

1 to swallow a bullet: 吞下一颗子弹

2 to point at: 对瞄准

个中意味自己体会吧 :)

allybaby

Once two hunters went hunting in the forest One of them suddenly fell down by accident He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead" Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next"

两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”

　幽默笑话我们看不少了，可逆看过 英语笑话 故事 吗下面我为大家整理了一些长篇英语笑话故事资料，快跟我一起来看看。

经典长篇英语笑话故事

　1、My Husband Will Be Home Soon

　A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard

　"Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face"

　James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"

　"Oh please" the girlfriend asked again, in a y little voice

　"Oh really, I can't," he replies"My wife loves this beard!!"

　The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping

　The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"

　我丈夫马上就要回来了

　一个已婚男人去 拜访 他的“女朋友”时，女朋友要求他剃去胡须。

　“噢，詹姆斯，我喜欢你的胡子，但我更喜欢看到你英俊的面孔。”

　詹姆斯回答说，“我的妻子喜欢我的胡子，所以我不可能剃掉它，否则她会杀了我的。”

　“噢，我求你了，”女朋友用一种低沉的、性感的声音又一次说道。

　“可是，我不能，”他回答道，“我的妻子喜欢这胡子。”

　在女朋友再三请求下，他终于屈服同意了。夜里，在妻子熟睡时，詹姆斯爬上了床。

　妻子朦朦胧胧地摸了摸他的脸说道，“噢，迈克尔，你不应该在这里，我的丈夫很快就要回来了。”

　2、Be Careful What You Wish For

　A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day

　During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each

　The wife wanted to travel around the world The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand

　Next, it was the husband's turn He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me"

　The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety

　慎重许愿

　一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。

　庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。

　妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。

　接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻，害羞地说，“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人长篇英语笑话故事长篇英语笑话故事。”

　仙女拾起了 魔术 棒。“呯!”，他变成了90岁。

　3、This just in : NEW VIRUS WARNING

　If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it This is the most dangerous Email virus yet

　It will re-write your hard drive Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play

　It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over

　It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic

　Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile It will give you nightmares about circus midgets It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card

　It will seduce your grandmother It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear

　Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub It will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole It is insidious and subtle It is dangerous and terrifying to behold It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve

　这是一个：电脑新病毒的警告

　如果你收到一封主题是“ 倒霉透了”的邮件时，立即删除千万不要阅读。这是迄今最为危险的邮件病毒。

　它会重写你的硬盘，不止这些，还会损坏任何离你电脑很近的磁碟。重置你冰箱的制冷度数让好吃的冰淇淋全部化掉，牛奶也馊掉。它还会让你的所有信用卡磁条失效，更改你在自动提款机上取钱的密码，你录像机上的影像资料也会变得乱七八糟，它还利用子空间场谐波刮坏任何你想听的CD。

　它还会把你的新电话号码告诉你的旧情人，把防冻剂注入到你的鱼缸里，它将喝光你所有的啤酒，然后，当有人上门的时候，将它的臭袜子留在茶几上。

　当你迟到的时候它会藏起你的车钥匙，还会干扰你车内的音响系统，好让你在塞车的时候欣赏沙沙的静电声。

　“倒霉透了”还会把你的洗发水换成脱毛膏，然后把你的脱毛膏换成生发液还始终在你背后与你的现任情人幽会，用你的维萨信用卡支付他们的酒店浪漫费用

　它会色诱你的祖母，不管她在不在人世。这些都显示了此邮件的影响力，它就是这样毁掉了坟墓内外所有美好的事。

　这个邮件会使你患上荷兰榆树病，它会让你的屁股永远放不到马桶座垫上，还会把电吹风插在放满水的浴缸旁边的插座上，它会肆意篡改枕头和床垫的禁止事项，把脱脂牛奶换成全脂牛奶。它躲在暗处，到处写满了它的危险和可怕，不过，它呈现的淡紫色到是相当有趣的。

　4、One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it

　"Oh, that," Frank said "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box" Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad

　"But what about the 10,000 dollars"

　"Every time I got a dozen, I sold them"

　一天，妻子 Sue 在整理床铺时，偶然发现了一个小盒子。出于好奇心，她小心翼翼的打开了盒子，发现里面放了三枚鸡蛋和10000美元钞票。对于相处了20余年丈夫居然对自己隐瞒了此事，她开始感到有些疑惑不安。

　“哦，是这样的，”丈夫 Frank 解释道，“每次我做了对你不忠的事，我就会在这个盒子里放一枚鸡蛋。” Sue 虽然对此感到不很高兴，但是转念又一想20多年的丈夫背着她有婚外情也不过只有三次，想想也不算太坏。

　“那么另外的那10000美元是怎么回事”

　“每当鸡蛋凑够一打，我就卖了换成现金。”

　5、A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help I promised a friend I would meet him an hourago, but I don't know where I am"

　The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude"

　"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist

　"I am," replied the woman "How did you know"

　"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of you, and the fact is I am still lost Frankly, you've not been much help so far"

　The woman below responded, "You must be in management"

　"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know"

　"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"

　一个男人在热气球上，发现自己迷失了方向。他下降高度，下方有一个妇女。他又下降了一点，大声呼喊,"打扰下，你能帮个忙吗，一个小时以前我答应了一个朋友要和他见面，但现在我不知道我身处何地。”

　妇女在下面回答，“你在一个热气球里，大约离地面三十英尺。你在北纬40-41度之间，西经59-60度之间。”

　“你必定是个工程设计师，”气球上的男人说长篇英语笑话故事笑话大全。

　“我是，”女人回答。“你是怎么知道的”

　“是这样，”气球上的男人说“你告诉我的事在技术上都是正确的，但是我无法理解你的看法，事实是我依旧迷失。坦白说，到目前为止你没帮上我多少

　”

　下面的妇女回应道，“你一定是在管理部门工作。”

　“我是，”气球上的男人回答，“这你是怎么知道的”

　“是啊，”妇女说，“你总是不知道你在哪里，也不知道你要去哪里。你的上升，是由于大量的热气。你对别人许下的承诺，你不知道如何履行，而且你还期望在你下面的人会解决你的问题。事实就是在我们见面之前，我们都在完全相同的立场上，可现在，不知怎么地，却成了我的错了。”

　搞笑的长篇英语笑话故事

　1、Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work

　The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on Everything inside them is numbered"

　"I think librarians are the easiest," said the second "When you open them up, all their organs are arranged alphabetically1"

　The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians Their organs are color-coded"

　"You're all wrong," said, the fourth "Lawyers are easiest They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and asset are interchangeable"

　四个医生边喝咖啡休息边讨论他们的工作。

　第一个说，“我认为给会计手术最容易,因为他们的器官都有编号。”

　“我觉得图书管理员最容易司法英语笑话司法英语笑话。”第二个说, “他们的器官都按字母顺序排列。”

　第三个医生说，“我喜欢给电工手术，他们的器官都有带颜色的编码

　“你们都错了”，第四个说，“律师是最容易的，他们没心、没肠、没骨头，而且他们的脑子用钱就能换掉。”

　2、Lawyer: You say you were about thirty-five feet away from the scene of the accident Just how far can you see clearly

　Witness1: Well, when I wake up in the morning I see the Sun, and they tell me it's about ninety-three million miles away

　律师：你说你离事故现场约有35英尺，你能看清多远的东西

　证人：这么说吧，早上起床后我看见太阳，别人告诉我这大约有9300万英里远。

　3、An American attorney1 had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and then suel the landowners for lots of money"

　Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partners and started speaking rapidly in Italian When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law

　"No, no" one replied "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks"

　一位美国律师刚结束他在意大利一所法律学校的客座演讲，就有一位意大利律师走近他问：“听说在你们国家里，一个人跌倒在人行道上，他就会起诉这块地的所有者赔偿很多钱，这是真的吗”

　得知这是真的后，意大利律师转向他的同行开始用意大利语快速谈论起来。当他们停下来后，美国律师问他们是否想去美国做法律工作司法英语笑话笑话大全。

　“不，不，”有一个人回答说，“我们要去美国跌倒在人行道上。”

　 长篇英语笑话故事精品

　1、A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner

　The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner, people" A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that cornerNOW!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction

　Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do" "Pretty good," chuckled the veteran policemen, "especially since this is a bus stop!"

　一名新警察与老警察开着警车第一次出去巡逻。 他们得到命令去疏散一群闲逛的人，于是他们开车去了那条街，看到路口站着一群人。

　新警察摇下窗户：“大家注意了，快离开这里。”人们看了他几眼，没理他。他喊起来：“离开这里，马上离开!”大家都不知道怎么回事，但是在他的威胁下还是离开了。

　新警察对他第一次执行公务的结果很满意，对老警察说：“我干得怎么样”“你做得很好，”老警察笑着说，“尤其是在公共汽车站。”

　2、A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States

　After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the kays"

　The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated "Give me the kays" The Italian shrugged his shoulders Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks

　我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课每日精品英语笑话每日精品英语笑话。他们都是新近来美国生活的。

　在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后，他请全班同学给他挑出尺子，书本，钢笔等。课进行得井然有序，学生们对自己所做的似乎很感兴趣，也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的学生，我的朋友说：“给我钥匙

　那人看起来非常吃惊，也有点手足无措。看到这种情况，我的朋友想是他没有听清楚，于是又重复了一遍：“给我钥匙。”那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着，他伸出胳膊搂住老师的脖子在双颊上亲了两下

　3、An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman:' How much this stuff'

　'Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap'

　The lady said, 'It is too much, give it to me for fourteen'

　'I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven'

　'It is still too much,' replied the old lady, 'give it to me for five'

　一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店每日精品英语笑话笑话大全。 她问店员：“这东西要多少钱”

　“七美元，太太，这是很便宜的。”

　老太太说：“太贵了，十四美元差不多。”

　店员忙说：“我没说十七美元，是七美元。”

　“还是太贵，”老太太说：“五美元，我就买啦。”

1、Wife: "How would you describe me"

妻子：你会怎么形容我呢

Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK"

丈夫：ABCDEFGHIJK

Wife: "What does that mean"

妻子：那是什么意思

Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot"

丈夫：迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK"

妻子：哇，谢谢，但是“IJK”是什么意思呢

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

丈夫：开个玩笑!

2、What has one eye but cannot see

什么有一只眼睛，却看不见

A needle 

针。

3、What dog can jump higher than a building

什么狗比大楼跳的还高

Anydog, buildings can't jump!

任何一只狗，大楼又跳不起来。

4、What has a head, a tail, and no body

什么有头、有尾，但是没有身体

A coin!

硬币。

5、Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home

老师：谁能回到我下一个问题，谁就可以回家了。

One boy throws his bag out the window

一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。

Teacher: who just threw that!

老师：谁刚刚把书包扔出去了

Boy: Me! I’m going home now 

男孩：我!我现在要回家了。

　　笑话是内容丰富并具有出乎意料结尾的幽默口头故事。笑话几乎涵盖人们生活的所有领域,其中包括政治笑话、经济笑话、家庭生活笑话、关于民族性格的笑话等。我分享短小经典的英语小笑话，希望可以帮助大家!

　　短小经典的英语小笑话：A Henpecked Husband

怕老婆的老公

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself

有一位怕老婆的老公接受心理治疗师的建议要坚持自己的主见。

"You don't have to let your wife bully you,"he said"Go home and show her you are the boss "

他说：“你不必让你的老婆像恶霸一样欺侮你。回家去让她知道你才是老大。”

The husband decided to take the doctor's asviceHe went home,slammed the door,shook hisfirst in his wife's face,and growled,"

这位老公决定接受医生的劝告。他回到家，用力啪答一声关上门，在他老婆的面前：挥舞着拳头，并且大声咆哮说：

From now on you are talking orders from me

“从现在起，你得乖乖听我的命令。

I want my supper right now,and when you get it on the table ,go upstairs and lay out myclothes

我现在就要吃晚餐，当你把它弄好放在餐桌上的时候，到楼上去把我的衣服摆放好。

Tonight I am going out with my friends

今天晚上我要和我的。朋友外出，

You are going to stay at home where you belong

你给我乖乖待在家里不许乱跑。

Another thing,you know who is going to tie bow tie"

另外还有一件事情，你知道谁要替我打蝴蝶结领结吗”

I certainlydo,"screamed the wife"The Undertaker"

老婆尖叫着说:“我当然知道。是收尸的人。”

　短小经典的英语小笑话：向你的烦恼说再见

A Jew, an Indian and a black were lined up to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

一位犹太人、一位印第安人和一位黑人列队进入天国之门。

Said the Jew to St Peter, 66 Frankly, I'm rather surprised to be here All my life Christians havedespised and reviled me "

那位犹太人对圣彼得说：“坦白讲，能到这里让我蛮惊讶的，我一辈子一直都受到基督徒的轻视和侮辱。”

"That's a great sorrow to us,"said St Peter, "but you won't find that kind of prejudice hereHere, all are truly equalJust spell God and you may enter"

“我们实在感到非常遗憾，”圣彼得说，“但我们这里没有那样的偏见，这里每个人都完全平等，只要拼出God这个词你就能进入天堂。”

the Jew truly spell out god and was swept through the gatesNext,the Indian came forward andsaid,"StPeter,all my life I suffered from poverty and discrimination,and could only live in areservationWill I truly be free here"

那名犹太人正确地拼出God后，被招入门内。接着印第安人走向前说道“圣彼得，我一辈子饱受贫穷和种族歧视的打击，而且只能住在居留地内，我在这里能得到真正的自由吗”

"My son, your troubles are overJust spell the word God you will be free as a bird "

“小兄弟，你的烦恼已经结束了，只要拼出God这个词，你就能像小鸟一样自由自在。”

The Indian obliged and he, too, entered the Heavenly Kingdom

印第安人照着做，不久也被引入天堂。

Next,the black man strode forward"St Peter," he said, "all my life people looked down on meand treated me unfairlyThat won't happen here, will it"

接着那名黑人跨步向前，“圣彼得，”他说道，“一辈子人们都瞧不起我，不公平对待我，在这里那些事不会发生吧!”

"Of course not, my boy We don't do that kind of thing hereJust spell" onomatopoeia "and theKingdom of Heaven is yours "

“当然不会，我的弟兄，我们不会做那样的事，只要拼出onomatopoeia这个词，天堂之国就是你的了!”

　短小经典的英语小笑话：黑人英语

The black couple already had eight children, and Lula May was pregnantwith her ninth Finallyshe convinced her husband to get a vasectomy

一对黑人夫妇已有八个小孩，而鲁拉·梅又怀了第九个小孩,最后她说服了她先生去做男性绝育手术。

On the morning of the operation, she was surprised to see her husbandputting on a tuxedoand getting into a limousine for the short ride to thehospital

手术的早晨，她惊讶地看见她老公穿着礼服，乘坐一辆礼车到不远的医院去。

"Say, honey, what's all this about" asked Lula May

"亲爱的，这是怎么一回事啊鲁拉·梅问道。"

"Baby, if you gonna be important, you gotta look important

"宝贝，如果你想当名大人物的话，就要让人一看就知道你很重要!"

1、joke笑话，读音：美/d_o_k/；英/d___k/。

2、释义：n玩笑，笑话；笑柄。vt开的玩笑。vi开玩笑。n(Joke)人名；(英)乔克；(塞)约凯。

3、例句：Myclassmatesalljokedaboutmystuttering同学们都拿我的口吃开玩笑。

hey Are Directly from America

Not long after an old Chinese women came back to china from her visit to her daughter in the Sates, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter give her At the bank counter ,the money was realIt mady out of patienceAt last she couid not hold any more, uttering :“trust me, Sir, and trustthe money They are real US dollars Theyare directly from America ”

汉译：

真美钞

一位中国老妇人到美国去看望女儿回来不久，到一家银行取存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真仔细的检查了每一张钞票看，是否有假。这种做法使老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，是从美国直接带来的。”

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny Johnny: He is ill in bed He hurt himself

Tommy: That's too bad How did that happen

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won

他赢了

汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened"

"A kid bit me," replied Ivan

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again" asked his mother

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan "I have his ear in my pocket"

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”

“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly "Here are two cents more But why are you so interested in the old woman"

"She is the one who sells the candy"

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk"

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny Where did you find the cheese" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话

上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you

know what does it mean It means All Day I Dream About Sex我整天都在想著

性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的

一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是

ADIDAS, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟

能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了

A man goes to church and starts talking to God He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少"上帝回答:"一便士"男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴"上帝说:"一秒钟"最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗"上帝回答:"过一秒钟"

1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow Now who can tell us which is which

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer

Teacher: Please tell us

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2 The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings" replied the little girl

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

3 The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September

"George, how did you like your new teacher" asked his mother

"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too"

新老师

9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

4 A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears

一次物理考试

在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

Jim’s History Examination

Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination

Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault They asked him

things that happened before the poor boy was born

吉姆的历史考试

舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？

母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个

可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。

1、Goldfish金鱼

Stan: I won 92 goldfish

Fred: Where are you going to keep them

Stan: In the bathroom 。

Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath

Stan: Blindfold（蒙眼睛）them!

斯丹：我赢了 92 条金鱼。

弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们？

斯丹：浴室。

弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办？

斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛！

2、 The Revenge 欺骗的代价

Old Farmer Johnson was dying The family was standing around his bed With alow voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmerJones" Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you" Johnson:"But I want you to" Wife: "But why" Johnson: "Jonesonce cheated me in a horse deal!"

老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。” 妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。” 约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。” 妻子：“为什么？” 约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。”

3、I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是一只鸡

Psychiatrist: What's your problem

Patient: I think I'm a chicken

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？

病人：我认为我是一只鸡。

精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？

病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。

4、How do I get the gum out我怎么把口香糖取出来

Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keeptheir ears from popping When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed upto her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away How do I get the gum outfrom my ears"

当空中**给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中**面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢？”

5、 Where Am I 我在哪儿

An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside He saw afarmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer,"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am" "Yes, " the farmerlooked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir"

一个英国人在乡下开车时迷了路，他看见一个农民正在附近的地里干活。于是他就把车开过去问那位农民：“劳驾，您能告诉我我现在这是在哪儿吗？” “可以。”农夫奇怪地看了看他，然后说道：“你现在在你的车子里，先生。”

6、Chiefis at the wedding 长官在婚礼上

A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street

"But officer," the man said, "I can explain"

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer"I'm going to put you injail until the chief gets back"

"But ,officer, I …"

"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"

A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Youare lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding He'll be in a goodmood when he gets back"

"Are you sure" answered the man in the cell "I'm thegroom"

大街上的一个超速驾驶者被警察拦住了。“但是警官”这个人说道，“我可以解释的”。“保持安静”，警察突然说道。“我将把你送往监狱，直到长官回来。“但是，警察，我，，，”。“我说过了保持安静，你要到监狱了。”几小时后，警察向监狱里看了看说道“算你运气好，因为我们的长官正在他女儿的婚礼上。他将带着一个愉快的心情回来的。” “你确定”在牢房里的这个人说道。“我就是新郎呀”。

7、Who Is the Laziest 谁最懒

Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you aquestion Who is the laziest person in your class

Tom: I don't know, father

Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing andwriting, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work

Tom: Our teacher, father

父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。父亲：啊，不对，你知道！想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课？汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。

8、TwoBirds 两只鸟

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow Now whocan tell us which is which

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer

Teacher: Please tell us

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside theswallow

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老师：请说说看。学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

1、只不过刚好伤心不已，只不过刚好决定放弃，只不过刚好忘记哭泣，只不过刚好遇见你。

Just sad, just just decided to give up, just forget to cry, just happen to meet you

2、我不知道该说什么，我只是突然在这一刻，很想你。

I dont knoe memories, even if the pain, still have to remember, only because of the beauty of that time

6、我太笨明知道这不是缘分明知道你是错的人，我还是奋不顾身。

Im too stupid to knopany of the first plete! To become all the other is to be himself

29、爱情，并不是婚姻的唯一。但是，你却是我的唯一。

Love is not the only one in marriage But you are the only one in me

30、人生若只如初见，何事秋风悲画扇。等闲变却故人心，却道故人心易变。

If the life is only like the first sight, e an indispensable habit in life

67、幸福是爱情完美的独特，泪流是错爱美丽的邂逅。

Happiness is the perfect love is unique, tears are so beautiful

68、人有悲欢离合，月有阴晴圆缺，此事古难全，但愿人长久，千里共婵娟。

people with the moon waxes and wanes, grief at separation and joy in Union, all this ancient hard, danyuanrenchangjiu, partings

69、我不是碰不到更好的，而是因为有你，我不想再碰到更好的。

I dont touch the better, but because of you, I dont want to meet better

70、我爱你，为了你的幸福，我愿意放弃一切包括你。

I love you, for your happiness, I am willing to give up everything including you

71、幸福是当我失落，你像天使给我快乐。

Happiness is when I am lost, you are like an angel

72、有一种奢侈品相得到却不敢要，一旦失去了就失去了。

There is a kind of luxury that can not be obtained, and once lost, it is lost

73、梦已逝，心已碎，留下只是在为离开做准备。

The dream is dead, the heart is broken, leaving only to prepare for the departure

74、你无法理解我的无理取闹，就像我不懂你一直对我视而不见。

You cannot understand my vexatious, I dont know you always ignore me

75、此刻我很挂念你，请为我小心照顾自己。

Now I miss you very much, please take care of myself

76、爱情是个变幻莫测的家伙，它渴望得到一切，却几乎对一切都感到不满。

Love is a fickle guy It longs for everything, but it is almost dissatisfied with everything

77、一个人就算再好，但不愿陪你走下去，那他就是过客。

If a man is good, but he does not want to go with you, he is a passer-by

78、我也想拥抱你，可是人群太挤你始终不会是我的唯一。

I want to hug you, but you will not always crowded crowd is the only one for me

79、爱一个人感觉大概就是什么都会在意，又什么都可以原谅。

Love a person feels about what all care about, and everything can be pardon

80、开始的时侯，我们就知道，总会有终结。

When we begin, we know that there will always be an end

浪漫爱情短语

1、你永远都不懂我，就像白天不懂夜的黑。

2、给我一张爱的地址，在你的世界不再走失。

3、别拿你的爱撒得到处都是，我只想我拥有。

4、不要轻易说爱，许下的承诺就是欠下的债！

5、微小的幸福就在身边，容易满足就是天堂。

6、爱情，就是一个人相信了另一个人的谎言。

7、思念已经化成了眼泪，一滴一滴刺痛我的心。

8、要铭记在心：每天都是一年中最美好的日子。

9、如果我是配角，那么我会配合你，祝你幸福。

10、痴情的一方注定伤的最深，自古痴情终成空。

11、我的忧伤飘散在远方，没有你我感觉好孤单。

12、今来古往，物是人非，天地里，唯有江山不老。

13、不要说我用情不专，因为你从来就不属于我过。

14、我的记忆里有你的痕迹，我的爱在寂寞世界里。

15、孤单的你，孤单的我，孤单的灵魂，流离失所。

16、我再也不会奋不顾身的去爱一个人了，哪怕是你。

17、假如有一天我们不在一起了，也要像在一起一样。

18、你的世界，我进不去。我的未来，你也不必参与。

19、爱情不是轰轰烈烈的誓言，而是平平淡淡的陪伴。

20、原本以为已经忘记了，一个电话唤醒所有的记忆。

21、不去求谁给我幸福，因为我的幸福早死在你的心里。

22、许放弃，才能靠近你；不再见你，你才会把我记起。

23、虽然知道自己没资本，可是某人我一直在等你爱我。

24、你要我为你祈祷，我会的！和你妈妈一样为你着想！

25、我还是会因为你的一句话而感动，因为一件事而触动。

26、谁？千百年固守的执着，只因一句承诺：来世我等你！

27、不要轻易许下承诺，做不到的承诺，比没许下更可恶。

28、宠和爱是不同的两件事，宠可以没有交流，而爱则不能。

29、一个姑娘爱上一个男子的时候，决不会看出他的缺点来。

30、在这世上珍贵的东西总是罕有，所以这世上只有一个你。

31、不要依赖别人，是你还有人可以依赖的时候才说得出来的。

32、有些话，适合烂在心里；有些痛苦，适合无声无息地忘记。

33、我像是一个你可有可无的影子，和寂寞交换着悲伤的心事。

34、受过一次伤害，还是不懂得放弃，非得遍体鳞伤才会放弃。

35、高兴，就笑，让大家都知道。悲伤，就假装什么也没发生。

36、爱上一个人的时候，总会有点害怕，怕得到他；怕失掉他。

37、获得爱情你可以随便用什么办法，而保持爱情却需要智慧。

38、那一场说好不诉离殇的爱情，其实也抵不过一场风花雪月。

39、一个人有生就有死，但只要你活着，就要以最好的方活下去。

40、我从我单薄的青春里打马而过，穿过时隐时现的悲喜与无常。

41、我大概是一只鸟。充满了警觉，不容易停留。所以一直在飞。

42、不要去羡慕别人的表面风光，其实每个人都有自己内心的苦。

43、逆风的地方，更适合飞翔，我不怕万人阻挡，只怕自己投降。

44、要做的事情总找得出时间和机会，不要做的事情总找得出借口。

45、虽然你对我问过的问题含糊其词，但我付出的依然是最真的心。

46、再让我多活一秒，让我和你在一起，拥抱薰衣草在风中的味道。

47、永远不要把别人的感受当成是笑话，你不知道那样有多伤不起。

48、恋爱的女人的最大快乐就是她所爱的男人承认她是他的一部分。

49、我们缺少的不是机会，而是在机会面前将自己重新归零的勇气。

50、我知道就算没有迩我乜可以过的很好、可是没有迩的未来我不要。

51、淋过雨的空气，疲倦了的伤心，我记忆里的童话已经慢慢的融化。

52、走的最快的都是最美的风景，伤的最深的也总是那些最真的感情。

53、记住该记住的，忘记该忘记的。改变能改变的，接受不能改变的。

54、寻寻觅觅，冷泠清清，凄凄惨惨戚戚。乍暖还寒时候，最难将息。

55、我不会再为你停留，我会慢慢学着放下，然后去找那属于我的幸福。

56、爱情应当山盟海誓，只有专一的、忠贞不渝的爱情，才是真正的爱情。

57、没有人因水的平淡而厌倦饮水，也没有人因生活的平淡而摒弃生活。

58、眼泪是女人最原始的武器，也是男人唯一无法抵抗的最厉害的武器。

59、曾经我们十指相扣，说再也不分开。如今那个人，已经消失在人海。

60、我真的爱你，闭上眼，以为我能忘记，但流下的眼泪，却没有骗到自己。

浪漫爱情英文句子

1s。第一次听到你对我说我爱你，我的世界一瞬间鲜花绽开。

4I knoance， and you find out you still care for that person。爱情是：当感觉、热情和浪漫统统拿掉之後，你仍然珍惜对方。

21Look into my eyes - you the moment that I eone in the es to a man in this as Ford她的一举一动，她的一颦一笑;她的聪慧，她的声音将我的心俘虏;将我的心俘虏。我不明白个中缘由，但我会爱她到永远。

40Dont struggle so much，best things happen an is e b没有了爱，地球便成了坟墓。

46To lost in something you love is better than to e one who reaches for your hand and touches your heart一个真正的朋友是向你伸出手，触动你心灵的人。

51And time goes by so slowly， and time can do so much而时光难熬，它能改变许多事。

浪漫爱情表白短语

1、下雨时，我们打一把伞，我向往和你挤在一起走路。

2、我们总是握住了左手的幸福，却遗忘了自己右手的孤独。

3、我是一个没有吃过苦的孩子，但为了你我什么苦都能吃。

4、如果出台相关的法律，我希望可以和你结婚，虽然只是一张纸。

5、吃过晚饭后，我们出门散步，找一处安静的地方数天上的星星。

6、有条件的话，我想和你一起去海边度假，让我们感受海风的清新。

7、没有你，我的天空少了一片色彩；没有你，我的世界多了一种思念。

8、爱，原来并没有专属的夜晚，然而你来到我身边，星光却如此灿烂！

9、我给你拍照时，你要按我的要求摆pOSE，我要把你最美的一面拍下来。

10、因为她生的美丽，所以被男人追求；因为她是女人，所以被男人俘获。

11、别说我每天动你的歪脑筋。地球如果不歪对着太阳转，我们怎会有春天？

12、一天一点爱恋，一夜一点思念，给我一句真的誓言，让我可以期待永远。

13、十里平湖霜满天，寸寸青丝愁华年，对月行单望相互，只羡鸳鸯不羡仙。

14、有些人用嘴巴去爱，而我是用心去爱，也许我会失去很多，但我不会后悔。

15、你是一股清凉的凉水流入我的心田，泉水化成美酒，令我沉醉在幸福中间。

16、鱼儿爱上了飞鸟，然而，他们的窝建在哪儿好呢？所以，勉强是没有幸福的！

17、你是岸，我是船，你是太阳，我为你转，幸福有你才能算，给我世界都不换。

18、我们来玩游戏猜硬币。你输了就做我的男朋友，我输了就做你的女朋友。

19、爱是冷冷的冬夜里，一杯热腾腾的咖啡；爱是春暖花开时，对你满满的笑意。

20、不要让我孤独，不要给我寂寞，过度的孤独与寂寞会让我无止地伤感与悲痛。

21、你对我说的那些美好的未来，相对我而言，不单单是说说而言，因为我会当真。

22、我喜欢你一对水灵灵的眼睛，因为你爱用眼睛说话，双瞳中还充溢着无限深情。

23、过去，你我只是连擦肩都没有的陌生人，未来，你将是我所拥有、最幸福的回忆。

24、永远太过遥远，我不奢求你永远的承诺，我只希望你能和我一起度过仅剩的人生。

25、第一次哭是因为你不在，第一次笑是因为遇到你，第一次笑着流泪是因为拥有你！

26、你就像一颗美丽的水晶，洁白无霞，我就像别人手里的擦布。不擦你就不够漂亮。

27、如果真的有鹊桥，我要跟你走到桥的尽头，然后把桥拆了，绝不让你走，愿意吗？

28、你问我爱你有多深，爱了就不分，不许说分手，不许说拜拜，天亮以后还要一起走！

29、爱加爱等于非常爱，爱减爱等于爱的起点，爱乘爱无限的爱，爱除爱等于唯一的爱。

30、你要时常唱歌给我听，随便唱什么都好，只要是你唱的，最好让我在你的歌声中入睡。

31、是偶然还是奇迹，引你翩翩走进我生命，用那沾满柔情的爱意，挥洒永不褪色的诗句。

32、如果生活是个圆，那么你我各占一半。有了你，我是完整的；而有了我，你是快乐的！

33、你是我的爱人，像泸沽湖一样的女人，你用你那明镜般的心灵，照亮我五彩斑斓的人生！

34、你是我的情人，像月牙泉边的星星，你那双明亮的眼睛告诉我，你就是我今生最爱的人！

35、玫瑰开在九月里，我的心中只有你，好想和你在一起，没有什么送给你，只有一句我爱你！

36、牵你的手，朝朝暮暮，牵你的手，等待明天，牵你的手，走过今生，牵你的手，生生世世。

37、你是我的恋人，像含苞待放的花蕾，你那双含情默默的眼神告诉我，你是我今生该等的人！

38、有人说！通往心脏的血脉是在无名指上，今生，我多想倾尽所有，牢牢的拴住你的无名指啊！

39、没有你的时侯，色彩是单一的，没有你的时侯，饭菜是无味的，没有你的时侯，我是空心的！

40、如果把我内心的愧疚真说出来，怕你觉得我没出息，可是不说出来，自己又觉得自己没出息。

41、遇见你以后我就成了傻子，你就是我的骗子，虽然我甘心情愿的被你骗，但你得骗我一辈子。

42、这一生有了你，就算有再大的风雨，再大的不如意，我都要和你走过每一个春夏秋冬，我爱你。

43、我爱你，不是一天两天，也不是一年两年，更不是一生，而是永远！爱是我们一生最美的时光。

44、那些美好的过往，让我们坚信，无论是爱情还是婚姻，依然值得用生命去追求，用一生去守候。

45、在一年的每个日子，在一天每个小时，在一小时的每一分钟，在一分钟的每一秒，我都在想你。

46、传一束生物电波，递一种生命信息，人世虽有众多的美好灵魂，而只有你我在无声的感应中默契。

47、我不敢说生生世世在一起，因为我没有把握。我只要在今生有限的时间里，每一天，我们都相爱。

48、很想把你从我的记忆中抹去，却总是身不由己地想起你：在梦中的每时每刻，在醒时的分分秒秒。

49、真想亲你的鼻子。鼻梁高挺的男人多少会有点自豪，夸他鼻子好看，就意味着说他性能力强。

50、情书，是我写的；电话，是我打的；玫瑰，是我送的；别问我是谁，我就是爱你的和你爱的可人儿。

51、我爱你，就像你也爱我，我永远是你的，你也永远是我的，永远不分开，永远在一起，爱你一万年！

52、夜深了！无数的星辰亮起，在天空写下你的名字，当流星划过时，就能将我的思念与祝福传送给你！

53、失去的永远是最珍贵的，但如果只知道去珍惜过去而没有好好把握现在，那你将失去更美好的明天！

54、你我相见是一种缘份，我们彼此珍惜着这份来之不易的感情，希望在以后的路上能陪伴着你一生一世。

55、我希望50年后，陪在我身边的那个老头子，还是你。你还愿意将我揽在怀里，就像现在一样，不嫌弃。

56、面对你默默的等待，我无法喊出那圣洁的爱，只好立于相思树下，用岁月的剪刀，把思念精心地剪裁。

57、这里是一片美丽的大海，可是还没有人来遨游，我期待着你的到来，在这片平静的海里荡起层层波浪！

58、我爱你，胜过爱我自己；没有你的声音，我就像个聋子；看不到你的身影，我就如瞎子般见不到光明。

59、我想嫁你，是想与你一起面对现在的困境；我想嫁你，是想做你坚强的后盾。我想嫁你，是因为我爱你。

60、时间的流逝，洗涤旧迹，仅留下微漠的平淡与悲哀。濮水之边，你翩然离去，仅留下楚使的瞠目与叹息。。

61、日日夜夜，孤孤单单，默默静静，泪眼思涵，我等待你的关心，等的快要关上了心，难道你还不明白吗？

62、是因为爱才悄悄的躲开，躲开的是身影，躲不开的是默默的情怀；今天我终于鼓起勇气，向你表达我的爱。

63、一份不愉的友情，执着千万个祝福，送给我最思念的好友，不管我们的距离有多远，关怀你的心永远不变。

64、你的手机，贴着你的身体；我的信息贴着手机，真想冲破这屏幕，让我抱着你，生死轮回，我爱的唯有你！

65、今生非你不娶，丫头，快在我家户口本上盖个章吧！从此以后你就成了我的人了，做我最亲爱的老婆大人吧！

66、原来希望另一半要帅，现在更贪心了，希望内外兼具。而且因为年龄的关系，现在必须要考虑婚姻和家庭了。

67、我不知道该说什么、彼此都好过才是最重要的、没有你、我也可以活得更好、活出更漂亮如今我只剩下伤痛。

68、你的身影越来越频繁地出现在我的眼前，渐渐地，意如呼吸一般，一秒钟也不中断，弄得我吃不好饭，睡不好觉。

69、你是我的影子，有阳光的时候就有你！你是我的阳光，有风雨的日子需要你！你是我的风雨，同路的日子不忘彼此！

70、杯子里面装满了水再多一滴就会流出，不如全部倒掉，让杯子和水都有新的经历，也许这次不会流出，一直到永恒！

71、不要轻易过分对我迁就，不要使我感觉到你的顺从，其实迁就与顺从同样是不屑一顾，它会使我丧失自立而不知天高。

72、孤独时，想起你；失意时，想见你；无助时，想靠你；落泪时，想搂你；开心时，想谢你；兴奋时，想亲你；好想你！

73、目光相对，呼吸开始微笑。把陌生击碎，幸福在脸上点缀。一抹红晕，一缕甜蜜，时间在灵动中定格。我等待的人来了！

74、你是一本好看的书，我怎么读也读不厌；你是一首好听的歌，我天天听也听不烦，你就是我的大宝贝，我怎么爱你都不够！

75、早熟的果子早上市，往往能卖好价钱。这也符合市场规律吧，为何父母老师都要我们不要早恋？真不明白她们是怎么想的。

76、男人都喜欢听话的女人，但男人若是开始喜欢一个女人时，就会不知不觉听那女人的话了。你说，我怎么会这么听你的话？

77、天空中有你我最喜爱的颜色，现实中有你我最相配的角色，白云依靠着蓝天，蓝天包容着白云，就像现在的你和我，多美！

78、没有你的日子我和星星对唱，和孤单做伴，但一想到你我的心就充满欢欣，为你，我可以等待，限你在今生给我一个答复！

79、遇上一个人要一分钟的时间，喜欢一个人只需一小时的时间，爱上一个人要一天的时间，可要我忘记你却要用上一生的时间。

80、水拍沙滩，一行脚印代表着我们的缠绵；月穿层云，一阵轻风见证我们的痴恋。未来我看不见。此刻，与你相拥是我的心愿。

81、我无法保证，无法向你承诺什么，但我会做到。如果有一天你有饥饿的感觉，那时你定会看到，我已含笑饿死在你的怀抱中。

82、爱上你我劫数难逃，为你坐爱情的牢，一辈子让情锁在我胸口绕；爱上你我劫数难逃，心为你整个碎掉，还不断迷恋着你的好。

83、一个人，一颗心，一生等待。一个人，一座城，一生心疼。一个人，一条路，一生眷恋。912就要爱，亲，你若一直在，我便一直爱！

84、千年之前或千年之后，我都是一个孤独的游人，只有那一刻我在生命峰巅上俯视一切，你灿烂笑容的开放，使我成为拥有万物的帝王。