谁有特别搞笑的英文短笑话啊，附带翻译~~

hey Are Directly from America

Not long after an old Chinese women came back to china from her visit to her daughter in the Sates, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter give her At the bank counter ,the money was realIt mady out of patienceAt last she couid not hold any more, uttering :“trust me, Sir, and trustthe money They are real US dollars Theyare directly from America ”

汉译：

真美钞

一位中国老妇人到美国去看望女儿回来不久，到一家银行取存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真仔细的检查了每一张钞票看，是否有假。这种做法使老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，是从美国直接带来的。”

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny Johnny: He is ill in bed He hurt himself

Tommy: That's too bad How did that happen

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won

他赢了

汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened"

"A kid bit me," replied Ivan

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again" asked his mother

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan "I have his ear in my pocket"

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”

“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly "Here are two cents more But why are you so interested in the old woman"

"She is the one who sells the candy"

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk"

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny Where did you find the cheese" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话

上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you

know what does it mean It means All Day I Dream About Sex我整天都在想著

性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的

一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是

ADIDAS, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟

能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了

A man goes to church and starts talking to God He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少"上帝回答:"一便士"男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴"上帝说:"一秒钟"最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗"上帝回答:"过一秒钟"

1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow Now who can tell us which is which

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer

Teacher: Please tell us

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2 The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings" replied the little girl

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

3 The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September

"George, how did you like your new teacher" asked his mother

"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too"

新老师

9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

4 A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears

一次物理考试

在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

Jim’s History Examination

Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination

Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault They asked him

things that happened before the poor boy was born

吉姆的历史考试

舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？

母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个

可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。

Mrs Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人：哦，

亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents "What did you do with

the money I gave you yesterday"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly "Here are two cents

more But why are you so interested in the old woman"

"She is the one who sells the candy"

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。

“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老

太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

The Perfect Son

A: I have the perfect son

B: Does he smoke

A: No, he doesn't

B: Does he drink whiskey

A: No, he doesn't

B: Does he ever come home late

A: No, he doesn't

B: I guess you really do have the perfect son How old is he

A: He will be six months old next Wednesday

完美儿子

A:我有一个很完美的儿子

B:他抽烟吗

A:不抽

B:他喝威士忌酒吗

A:不喝

B:他会不会很晚回家

A:不会

B:我想你确实有一个完美儿子 那他多大了

A:下个星期三就满6个月了

today I argue with my mother !

what shouid I do

[tə'dei] ['ɑ:gju:] [wiʃ][mai] ['mʌðə]

[hwɔt] [ʃud] [du:]

音标只能打成这样 这些都是你应该学到的单词 应该会念 如果不会可以查查词典。

first I think you should apologize to your mother,and you must ask to be excused you can say Im sorry momIm wrongthat is not true,And would you forgive me首先，要承认错误，并且你要征求她的原谅，你可以说：

很抱歉妈妈，我错了，那不是真实的（泛指吵架之事）你能原谅我吗？ 等等。

　　Good Boy

　　Little Robert asked his mother for two cents "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday"

　　"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered

　　"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly "Here are two cents more But why are you so interested in the old woman"

　　"She is the one who sells the candy"

　　好孩子

　　小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

　　“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

　　“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

　　“她是个卖糖果的。”

　　Nest and Hair

　　My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom

　　"What kind of bird" my sister asked

　　"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child

　　"Then, can you give us a description of the nest" my sister encouraged her

　　"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair "

　　Notes:

　　(1) inform v告诉

　　(2) nest n窝；巢

　　(3) description n描述

　　(4) encourage v鼓励

　　(5) resemble v 相似；类似

　　鸟窝与头发

　　我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。

　　“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。

　　“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。

　　“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。

　　“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。”

　　I've Just Bitten My Tongue

　　"Are we poisonous" the young snake asked his mother

　　"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask"

　　"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

　　Notes:

　　(1) poisonous adj有毒的

　　(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。

　　我刚咬破自己的舌头

　　“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

　　“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”

　　“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

　　A Woman Who Fell

　　It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back Her momentum carried her close to my shoes Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet"

　　摔倒的女人

　　上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？”

　　英语笑话（一）

　　Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea

　　A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys

　　猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？

　　Q: How can you most irritate a farmer

　　A: By treading on his corn

　　如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。

　　Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world

　　A: The snail It carries its house on its back

　　因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？

　　Q: What do people do in a clock factory

　　A: They make faces all day

　　一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。

　　Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep

　　A: Keep him awake

　　怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。

　　英语笑话（二）

　　He is really somebody

　　-- My uncle has 1000 men under him

　　-- He is really somebody What does he do

　　-- A maintenance man in a cemetery

　　他真是一个大人物

　　-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

　　-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？

　　-- 墓地守墓人。

　　英语笑话（三）

　　Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real It made the old lady out of patience

　　At last she could not hold any more, uttering "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money They are real US dollars They are directly from America"

　　它们是从美国直接带来的

　　一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

　　这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”

　　英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read

　　Mrs Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

　　Mrs Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

　　Mrs Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read

　　我的狗不识字

　　布朗夫人：哦，

　　亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！

　　史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

　　布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

　　英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner

　　-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw

　　-- I'm sorry, sir It must have been in a fight

　　-- Well, bring me the winner then

　　给我那个打赢的吧

　　-- 服务员，

　　这个龙虾只有一只爪。

　　-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。

　　-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。

　　英语笑话（六）The mean man's party

　　The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow When the door open, push with your foot"

　　"Why use my elbow and foot"

　　"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you"

　　吝啬鬼请客

　　一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

　　“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”

　　“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。

　　On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back" To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf

　　在一个乡村路上，一警察让这个农民靠边停车，说：“先生，你意识到你的妻子在几公里前从车上掉下去了吗？”农民回答说：“感谢上帝，我还以为我聋了呢！”

　　Boxing and Running

　　Dan is teaching his son how to box As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight"

　　Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box"

　　Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too"

　　拳击和赛跑

　　丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。他告诉他的朋友：“这是一个粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。”

　　朋友： “如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办？”

　　丹：“我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢。”

　　Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened"

　　"A kid bit me," replied Ivan

　　"Would you recognize him if you saw him again" asked his mother

　　"I’d know him anywhere," said Ivan "I have his ear in my pocket"

　　伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,"发生了什么事？“

　　”一个男孩咬了我一口，“伊凡说。

　　”再见到他时你能认出来吗"妈妈问。

　　“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里呢。”

　　Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand

　　Matthew: Very Cold, sir

　　Teacher: Wrong

　　Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!

　　老师：马修，新西兰的气候怎么样？

　　马修：先生，那里的天气很冷。

　　老师：错了。

　　马修：可是，先生！从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。

　　1When Was Rome Built 罗马是什么时候建成的？

　　Teacher: When was Rome built

　　Tom: At night

　　Teacher: Who told you that

　　Tom: You did You said Rome wasn't built in a day

　　老师：罗马是什么时候建成的？

　　汤姆：在夜里建成的。

　　老师：谁告诉你的？

　　汤姆：是您啊。您说过罗马不是在一个白天建成的。

　　2He Knows the Answer 他知道答案

　　Teacher: Can you tell me anything about the great scientists of the 18th century

　　Pupil: Yes, sir, I can They are all dead

　　教师：你能告诉我一些有关十八世纪的伟大科学家的事情吗？

　　学生：我能，先生。他们都死了。

　　3Where do babies come from 小孩从哪里来？

　　I asked my father where babies come from

　　He says you download them from the Internet

　　我问爸爸小孩是从哪里来的，他说是从网上下载的。

　　4An Essential Correction 实质性的纠正

　　Teacher: Walter, why don’t you wash your face I can see what you had for breakfast this morning

　　Walter: What was it

　　Teacher: Eggs

　　Walter: Wrong, teacher That was yesterday

　　老 师：沃尔特，你为什么不洗脸我看得出你今天早饭吃了什么。

　　沃尔特：我吃了什么？

　　老 师：鸡蛋。

　　沃尔特：错了，老师。那是昨天吃的。

　　5 I Don’t Feel Like Getting into an Argument 我不想争论

　　“Gerald,” asked the teacher, “what is the shape of the earth”

　　“It's round,” answered Gerald

　　“How do you know it's round” continued the teacher

　　“All right, it’s square then,” he replied, “ I really don't feel like getting into an argument about it!”

　　“杰拉尔德，”老师说，“地球是什么形状的？”

　　“是圆形的，”杰拉尔德回答。

　　“你怎么知道是圆的？”老师继续问。

　　“好，那就是方的吧，”他回答说。“我真的不想和您争论这件事！”

　　6Three Reasons 三个理由

　　Teacher: Bob, give me three reasons why you know the Earth to be round

　　Bob: Mum says so, Dad says so, and you say so!

　　老师：鲍勃，说出三条理由来证实地球是圆的。

　　鲍勃：妈妈是这么说的，爸爸是这么说的，您也是这么说的！

　　7Who Should be Given the Present 礼物该给谁？

　　A father of five came home with a toy, summoned his children and asked

　　which one of them should be given the present, “Who is the most obedient,

　　never talks back to mother and does everything he or she is told” he

　　inquired There was silence and then a chorus of voices: “You play with it,

　　Daddy!”

　　一个有五个孩子的父亲带着一件玩具回到家里，把孩子们召集来问这件礼物应该给谁。“谁最听话，从不和妈妈顶嘴，让干什么就干什么？”他问道。

　　大家都不吭声。过了一会儿，孩子们异口同声地说：“爸爸，您玩儿吧。”

　　8Big Head 大脑袋

　　“All the kids make fun of me,” The boy cried to his mother “They say I

　　have a big head”

　　“Don't listen to them,” his mother consoled “You have a beautiful

　　head Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”

　　“Where's the shopping bag”

　　“I haven't got one, use your hat”

　　“所有的孩子都拿我取乐，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。”

　　“别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说。“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了,

　　去到店里买10磅土豆来。”

　　“兜子在哪儿呢？” “我没有兜子——就用你的帽子吧。”

英语幽默笑话（精选15篇）

　在繁忙的学习工作中，适时读一些幽默笑话，放松自己，劳逸结合十分重要。下面是我为你整理的几则英语幽默精彩段子，让你笑到停不下来!!!

英语幽默笑话 篇1

　一、我是单身汉

　Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurtA beautiful young nurse asked him to fill formsJack finished them and gave them back"Anything else" The nurse asked"Yes,"Jack thinks for a while and said,"I'm a bachelor"

　杰克骑车摔伤,得住院治疗一位年轻美貌的护士拿着表格让填仞杰克填好递上表格"还有什么漏填的"护士问"有!"杰克想了想说,"我是个单身汉"

　二、死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭

　Wife:You seeAccording to te statistics on the paper 80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho

　Husband:It's okeyTo my investigation,all Thespeopleeat meals

　妻子：你看这张报纸,据统计,死于肝癌的人80%都是喝酒的

　丈夫：那有什么据我调查,死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭的

　三、位置上的冰激凌

　"Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine"

　"YoursCan you prove it"

　"Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it"

　"请原谅,你占了我的位置"

　"你的位置你能征明这点吗"

　"能,我在位置上放了杯 冰激凌"

　四、别无选择

　One day,Eve asked Adam,"Doyou really love me"

　Adam said helplessly,"Do I have any other choice"

　一天,夏娃问亚当："你当真爱我吗"

　亚当无可奈何地回答："我还有的选择吗"

　五 、 两个男孩

　Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room

　The teacher says,"Why are you arguing"

　One boy answers,"We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie"

　"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher,"When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was"

　The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher

　当老师走进教室时,两个男孩在争论

　老师是说：你们在争论什么

　一个男孩回答：‘我们捡到一张10块,我们决定把它给一个说最大的谎的人’

　‘你们应该觉得羞耻’老师说,‘当我像你们那么大的时候,我连什么是说谎都不知道’

　两个男孩把钱给了那个老师

　六、两只鸟

　Teacher:Here are two birds,one is a swallow,the other is sparrowNow who can tell us which is which

　Student:I cannot point out but I know the answer

　Teacher:Please tell us

　Student:The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow

　老师：这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗

　学生：我指不出,但我知道答案

　老师：请说说看

　学生：燕子旁边的`就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子

　七、鱼网

　"Can you tell me what fish net is made,Ann"

　"A lot of little holes tied together with strings" replied the little girl

　"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗," 老师发问道

　"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了" 小女孩回答道

　八、他赢了

　Tommy:How is your little brother,JohnnyJohnny:He is ill in bedHe hurt himself

　Tommy:That's too badHow did that happen

　Johnny:We played who could lean furthest out of the window,and he won

　汤姆：约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗

　约翰尼：他害病卧床了他受了伤

　汤姆：真糟糕,怎么回事儿

　约翰尼：我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了

　选我吧

英语幽默笑话 篇2

　心不在焉的老师

　An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professorHow are you “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with meI've been limping for the last half hour”

　有一天，人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走，他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里，另一只脚踩在人行道上。 一个碰见他的学生说： “晚安，老师。您怎么了” “啊，”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的，可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。”

英语幽默笑话 篇3

　谁的儿子最伟大

　The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'" The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'"

　"My son is a cardinal" continued the next one "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'

　" The fourth mother thought for a moment "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"

　四位牧师的母亲聚到一起谈论她们的儿子。“我的儿子是个教士，”第一位母亲自豪地说道，“他进入房间，人们都说，‘您好，阁下’。”

　第二为母亲说：“我的儿子是位主教。他进入房间，人们都称，‘您好，大人’。” “我的儿子是位红衣主教，”第三位母亲接着说，“他走进房间，人们都说，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”

　第四位母亲略思片刻。“我的儿子身高六英尺十，体重三百磅，”她说，“他要是走入房间，人们都说‘哦，我的上帝’!”

英语幽默笑话 篇4

　为什么六怕七呢

　Q: Why was six scared of seven

　A: Because seven "ate" nine

　问题：为什么六怕七呢

　回答：因为七连九都能吃掉呢!

　(笑点：本应该是seven eight nine, 但是利用了发音相同，将eight用ate(吃)替换掉了。)

英语幽默笑话 篇6

　用“beans(豆子)”造句

　A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence "My father grows beans," said one girl "My mother cooks beans," said a boy A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans"

　一名老师让学生们利用单词“beans(豆子)”造句，其中一个女孩说“我爸爸种豆子”。另外一个同学说“我妈妈炒豆子”。第三名学生说“我们是人类”。

　(笑点：老师让用的单词是beans，豆子的意思，结果，第三个学生将beings 和 beans 搞混了，因为发音相同。)

英语幽默笑话 篇7

　两块蛋糕

　Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please

　Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!

　汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗

　妈妈：当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧!

英语幽默笑话 篇8

　一分一块钱 A dollar per point

　A professor was giving a big test one day to his students He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait

　Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point"

　The next class the professor handed the tests back out This student got back his test and $64 change

　一天，教授正在给学生们监考。他发下试卷，然后回到讲台前等待。

　考试结束了，学生们纷纷交回试卷。教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票，还有一张纸条写着：“一分一块钱。”

　第二堂课，教授把试卷都发回学生们手中。其中一个学生不但得到了试卷还得到64块钱的找零。

英语幽默笑话 篇9

　Eating out

　外出就餐

　When the bill arrives ,Mark, Chris ,Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20,even though it's only for $3250 None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back When the women get their bill , out come the pocket calculators

　买单的时候，阿麦，阿克、阿力和阿汤每人都甩出20块钱，虽然其实一共只吃了32块50没人有更小的票子了，也没人愿意承认他们其实想把票子破开。女人买单时，每人掏出个计算器。

英语幽默笑话 篇10

　卷烟厂都失火

　Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day‘I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday ’‘Don't worry ,dear All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later ’He said with a smile

　玛丽非常讨厌丈夫吸烟，一天她对丈夫抱怨说：“我希望有一天所有卷烟厂都失火。”“不用担心，亲爱的，所有的烟卷迟早都会点着的。”他笑着说。

英语幽默笑话 篇11

　成年人的抉择

　The year before my son turned 18, he constantly pleaded to be allowed to a have tattoo, but I refused to sign permission for oneHe argued that soon he would be a man and he should be able to make adult decisions Sure enough,a few days after his 18th birthday,he come home with a tattoo Although l was not happy about this, I was curious to see what symbol of masculin', he had chosen There, on his shoulder,was a two inch image of Mickey Mouse

　我儿子十八岁前的那一年，常常向我提出准许他文身。但我拒绝允许他这么做。他争辩说他不久就要成为男子汉了，并说他应该能够做出成年人的抉择了。果然，十八岁生日的几天后，他文了身，回到家里。尽管我对此感到不高兴，但出于好奇，我想看看他选择了什么雄性象征物。原来他在肩上文了一个两英寸长的米老鼠像。

英语幽默笑话 篇12

　和上帝对话

　He says: "God,what is a million dollars to you"and God says: "A penny,then the man says: "God,what is a million years to you”and God says: ¨a second", then the man says: “God,can I have a penny "and God says:"In a second"

　他问：“主啊，一百万美元对你意味着多少”上帝回答：¨一便士。” 男子又问：“那一百万年呢，”上帝说：“一秒钟。”最后男子请求道：”上帝，我能得到一便士吗“上帝回答：“过一秒钟。”

英语幽默笑话 篇13

　可以借用一下吗

　Are you using your mower this afternoon

　今天下午你准备用割草机吗

　Mr Johnson:Are you using your mower this afternoon

　约翰逊先生：今天下午你准备用割草机吗

　Mr SmithYes

　史密斯先生：是的。

　Mr Johnson: Fine Then can I borrow your tennis racket, since you won't be needing it

　约翰逊先生：太好了。既然您不用网球拍，那我可以借用一下吗

英语幽默笑话 篇14

　妈妈不见了

　A little girl was lost, so she went up to a policeman and said, "l've lost my moml" The cop said,"What's she like" The little girl replied,"Shopping and gossiping!”

　有一个小女孩走丢了，于是她走到一个警察跟前说：“我妈妈不见了!”这个警察说：“她什么样子”小女孩回答：“买东西和说闲话!”

英语幽默笑话 篇15

　Get the kid

　A bit of advice for those about to retire lf you are only 65,never move to ansrUrement community Everybody else is in their 71s, 80s,or 90s So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded,they yell,"Get the kid

　这里想对将要退休的人提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，千万别进退休社区。因为那里的人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们会喊，“让小的干吧。

;