求搞笑英文段子

搞笑英文段子

1“You say that you love rain, but you open yourumbrella when it rains

You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the

sun shines　　You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when　　wind blows　　This is why I am afraid, when you say that you love me too”　　

你说你爱雨，但当细雨飘洒时你却撑开了伞；　　

你说你爱太阳，但当日当空时你却往荫处躲；　　

你说你爱风，但当它轻拂时你却紧紧地关上了自己的窗子；　

　所以当你说你也爱我，我却会为此而烦忧。　　

2、My feelings for you no words can tell,　　Except for maybe “Go to hell”　　

我对你的深情无法付诸言语，　　

除了一句“滚一边去”！　　

3、My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:　　Marrying you has screwed up my life　　

我的心肝，我的挚爱，我美丽的贤妻，　　

我这辈子就毁在你手里。　　

4、Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,　　But I only slept with you ’cause I was pissed　　

爱是上天赐福，爱情多么美好，　　

可我与你同眠只是因为喝醉。　　

5、Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;　　This describes everything you are not　　

善良、聪慧、多情而性感，　　

可惜这些你一条都不占。

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5am for an early morning business flight to Chicago Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece ot paper, " Please wake me at 5am"

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9am, and that he had missed his flight Furious, he was about ot go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed, it said, "It is 5am, wake up!"

Q: Why are mushrooms invited to parties

A: Because they are such fun-gi

Q: What was the name of the hair salon next to the graveyard

A: "Curl Up and Dye"

It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils The florist's son handed her a gift She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is Some flowers" "That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is A box of sweets" "That's right, but how did you know" asked the girl "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue "Is it wine" she asked "No," the boy replied, with some excitement The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue "Is it champagne" she asked "No," the boy replied, with more excitement The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

One morning a mother was trying to wake up her son "Wake up now! It's time to go to school" "I don't want to go to school," the son replied His mother said, "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school" "Okay One, all the children hate me Two, all the teachers hate me" "Not good enough," the mother replied "Fine," the son said "Then you give me two good reasons why I SHOULD go to school" "One, you're 50 years old Two, you're the principal of the school"

A young student reported for a final examination that consisted of only true/false questions The student took a seat in the hall, stared at the test for five minutes, removed a coin from his pocket and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet Heads meant true, tails meant false The young student finished the exam in 30 minutes, while the rest of the class was sweating it out Suddenly, during the last few minutes, the young student began desperately throwing the coin and sweating profusely The moderator, alarmed, approached the student and asked what was going on "Well, I finished the exam in half an hour," said the student, "but I thought I ought to recheck my answers"

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly "Here are two cents more But why are you so interested in the old woman"

"She is the one who sells the candy"

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled（被宠坏的） His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him He hardly left her side And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum（乱发脾气） Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms

When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door

Was school all right she asked, Did you get along all right did you cry

Cry John asked No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!

六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。

约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？

哭？约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。

my little dog can't read

Mrs Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人：哦，

亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop "How can I help you" asked the stylist "I went for a hair transplant," the guy explained, "but I couldn't stand the pain If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000"

"No problem," said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head

一个秃头的男人坐在理发店里。发型师问：“有什么可以帮你吗？”那个人解释说：“我本来要去做头发移植，但实在太疼了。如果你能够让我的头发看起来像你的一样，而且没有任何痛苦，我将付给你5000美元。”

“没问题，”发型师说，然后他很快帮自己剃了个光头。

A Woman Who Fell

It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back Her momentum carried her close to my shoes Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet"

摔倒的女人

上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？”

Bring me the winner

- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw

-- I'm sorry, sir It must have been in a fight

-- Well, bring me the winner then

给我那个打赢的吧

-- 服务员，

这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。

Two Pieces of Cake

Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please

Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!

两块蛋糕

汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗？

妈妈：当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧！

你好，我觉得他想说的是，嗯，第一句是所以嗯，地球是平的是真的，然后b说什么不他不是他刚说他不是平的，而且是个圆型的，然后a说呢，就是说我已经环绕了世界，我同意了，B的观点，世界是圆形的，我环绕了你，我的世界。

熬夜对身体不好，所以我建议你通宵。Staying up late is not good for your health, so I suggest you stay up all night整理了一些英语 说说大全 ，欢迎大家阅读！

1、我胖了才显得你瘦，免得我瘦的时候显得你丑。I am fat to look thin, so that I don't look ugly when I am thin

2、在街上看美女，目光高一点就是欣赏，目光低一点就是流氓。Looking at beauties in the street, the higher one is appreciation, and the lower one is rogue

3、如果你主动一点，我们不光会有故事，还会有孩子。If you take the initiative, we will not only have stories, but also children

4、这个世间只有圆滑，没有圆满的。This world only smooth, not perfect

5、我喜欢交朋友，但不喜欢供祖宗。I like to make friends, but I don't like to offer sacrifices to my ancestors

6、黑夜给了我一双黑色的眼睛，可我却用它来翻白眼。The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I used it to turn white eyes

7、即使失败99次，我也要继续下去，最起码凑个整，免得强迫症又犯了Even if I fail 99 times, I will continue, at least to make a whole, so as not to make another obsessive-compulsive disorder!

8、我卖的了梦，装得了酷，我是超级无敌美少女。I sell the dream, pretend to be cool, I am a super invincible beauty girl

9、幸好追你的时候你重，跑不动。Fortunately, you are heavy and can't run when chasing you

10、谈一次恋爱，少一个朋友。A love, less friends 11、早起的鸟儿有早饭吃，晚起的鸟儿有晚饭吃。The early bird has breakfast, the late bird has supper

12、你那么甜，不适合风吹日晒，适合躺在我怀里。You are so sweet, not suitable for the wind and sun, suitable for lying in my arms

13、我是水神，我为自己带盐！I am the water god, I bring salt for myself!

14、自从放了暑假，我就把早餐给戒了。Since the summer vacation, I've given up breakfast

15、当初说好的不让我受一点委屈，果然不止一点点。I was not wronged by what I said at the beginning, and it was indeed more than a little

16、减肥这种事从来不会船到桥头自然直，你这体重，没到桥头船就沉了。This kind of thing will never go straight from bridge to bridge Your weight will sink before bridge

17、我真是个花心的人，暑假刚走了我就想着寒假。I'm really a flowery person I think of winter vacation just after the summer vacation

18、听君一席话，省我十本书。Listen to your words, save me ten books

19、衣柜衣服千千万，只有新的最好看。There are thousands of clothes in the wardrobe, only the new ones are the best to see

20、你是最好的，如果真有人比你好，我就装作没看见。You are the best If someone is better than you, I pretend I haven't seen it

21、孔子不能解决的问题，老子帮你解决。I will help you solve the problems that Confucius can't solve

22、车到山前必有路，有路我也刹不住。There must be a way to get to the front of the mountain I can't stop if there is a way

23、我们说好不分离，要一直一直在一起。We agreed not to separate, to always be together

24、别和我谈恋爱，虚伪，有本事咱俩结婚。Don't fall in love with me Hypocrisy We can get married

25、从来都不用化妆品，我保持年轻的秘诀就是，谎报年龄。I never use cosmetics The secret to keep young is to lie about my age

26、每当我找到成功的钥匙，就有人偷偷把锁给换了。Whenever I find the key to success, someone stealthily changes the lock 27、愿你们都拥有人人羡慕的爱情，而我有钱就好。I wish you all have the love that everyone envies, and I have money

28、大姨妈是吐血鬼，卫生巾是吸血鬼。Big aunt is a spitting blood ghost, sanitary napkin is a vampire

29、怎么把脑子的钱转到银行卡里，在线等，急！How to transfer the money of brain to bank card, online, etc, urgent!

30、前面一只虫飞到我的数学题旁边，看了几眼题目死了。A bug in front of me flew to my math problem and saw the problem dead

31、想和你喝酒是假，想醉你怀里是真。Want to drink with you is false, want to drunk your arms is true

32、待我日后嫁得良人，定谢你当年不娶之恩。I will thank you for not marrying when I am married

33、这世间，真心本就稀缺，更该俭省。In this world, sincerity is scarce, even more frugal

34、青春就是疯狂的奔跑，然后华丽的跌倒。Youth is crazy running, then gorgeous fall

35、没有人不会累，只是每个人宣泄的方式不同，比如我：懒得说。No one is not tired, but everyone has different ways of venting, such as me: lazy to say

以上就是带给大家欣赏的英语 说说大全 ，喜欢记得收藏！

这是Lady gaga的Poker face中的歌词，英文歌词有些也为押韵，并没有太多的意义。。

原句似乎是，luck and intuition……？

这句子可以这样翻译：

爱情游戏，运气与直觉，（像玩德州扑克时）出牌要先出黑桃，等他慢慢上钩之后再打出他心中的那张牌。