求双人搞笑小品剧本。

　　甲：某某某，你好啊。　乙：轻点，轻点。别这么大声。　甲：怎么啦？　乙：（东张西望）我怕被熟人发现。　甲：为什么？　乙：我在找地方搬家呢。　甲：哦，要买了新房了。那我恭喜你啊。　乙：千万别说恭喜。　甲：为什么？　乙：不瞒你说，我最近被恭喜了好几回了。一恭喜我就哆嗦。一哆嗦我就得搬家。　甲：这是什么逻辑。　乙：向你打听个人你知道吗？　甲：谁？　乙：孙悟空。　甲：孙悟空？　乙：你熟吗？　甲：不熟。　乙：哪谁熟？　甲：谁也不熟啊。那是神话中的人物。　乙：拜托你老兄，谁跟他熟言语一声。我有事情托他。　甲：什么事？　乙：我想托他走走后门，把家搬到东海龙宫去住。　甲：龙宫？　乙：龙宫要是地紧，南天门也行。　甲：南天门？　乙：实在没地方，住到月亮上也没意见，只要能帮我办成这事，我给他一万块好处费。　甲：什么乱七八糟的。你脑子有病还是怎么的？　乙：不都是被逼的吗。　甲：谁把你逼成这样了？　乙：人多了。　甲：为什么呀？　乙：不能说。　甲：还不能说。我看你是脑子有毛病。谁会吃饱了没事，把你逼得疯话连篇。　乙：跟你说了你也不信。　甲：那你说说看，让大家听听，也帮你出出主意，评评理。　乙：就在这说？　甲：那当然。　乙：（四处看看，再看看台下）这地能说吗？　甲：你踅摸什么呢？　乙：我看看台下有我的熟人没。　甲：放心，台下尽是我熟人，没你熟人。你说来听听。　乙：那我说说？　甲：说吧。　乙：**知道吗？　甲：哪谁不知道啊。我也常买。　乙：前不久，我买了一张。　甲：哪一种？　乙：传统的体彩。　甲：就是从0到9中随机选七个号码。　乙：不错。　甲：七个号码次序全对是特等奖。　乙：是的。　甲：你买的什么号码？　乙：1313766。　甲：就买了一个号码？　乙：那天也是巧。我就五块钱。吃个早餐三块，还有两块就买了这个号码。随机打的。　甲：结果就中了？（声音开始颤抖）　乙：中了。　甲：几等奖？（颤抖）　乙：不好意思。特等奖。　甲：五百万？（颤抖）　乙：交完个人所得税，还有四百万。　甲：（狂握乙的手）恭喜恭喜恭喜恭喜。　乙：别恭喜了，再恭喜下去，我的手要被拱了死掉了。　甲：你得这么多钱，打算怎么花啊？　乙：我媳妇说了，买套新房，最新装潢，家具家电，全部换光，坐坐飞机，四处逛逛，闲来无事，搓搓麻将。　甲：真会享受。　乙：我添了一句，全部齐了，换个新娘。 ——啪。　甲：什么声音？　乙：我媳妇给我一巴掌。　甲：该！　乙：想得挺好的，一宿没睡。第二天一早，天还没亮，有人敲门了。　甲：谁啊？　乙：我开开门，霍！门外站了好几百人，我仔细瞧瞧，一个也不认识。　甲：那是敲错门了。　乙：不是，有人说话了。　甲：谁啊。　乙：（天津话）恭喜你了，大兄弟。　甲：你们是？　乙：我们是市**精英研究学会的会员。听说你中了特等奖，我们来祝贺 祝贺。　甲：祝贺完了走吧。　乙：大兄弟，你这就不够哥们意思了。　甲：哥们意思？　乙：我们听说你中了特等奖啊，特别的高兴，一宿没睡。　甲：别人中奖你们乐个啥。　乙：我们商量了一宿，准备推举你为我们这个学会的名誉主席。　甲：名誉主席？　乙；我们准备把你的先进事迹好好地传扬传扬？　甲：怎么个传扬法？　乙：我们准备在本市最大的体育场，开一个声势浩大的彩民**得奖经验交流会。这个会，我们准备请赵本山我老弟来主持。　甲：赵本山？　乙：本来我们是想请他哥来主持的？　甲：他哥是谁啊？　乙：赵忠祥啊。　甲：挨得上吗。　乙：后来一打听啊，他到动物世界主持大象的婚礼去了。那边的出场费高。　甲：胡说八道。　乙：除了赵本山，还有他爱人。　甲：他爱人？　乙：你真没文化，宋丹丹啊。就是脱了马甲变成蛇的。　甲：你有文化。什么乱七八糟的。　乙：宋丹丹变成蛇之后，就是你讲话了。　甲：我还讲话。　乙；当然了。你要在会上把你怎么会得奖的体会跟我们大家谈谈。　甲：我蒙的啊。　乙：不能说蒙的。这里有学问。　甲：我是蒙的啊。　乙：你谈完了，还有我们常委会贺词。　甲：常委会？　乙：是啊，我们是市一级正规的组织。我们成立的时候，市委发过文的。我们有常委，有理事，有主席，有名誉主席，有具体办事的秘书处。我就是那个具体办事的秘书处的秘书长。　甲：霍！还真够正规的。　乙：贺词完了，接下来就是会员们有关你得奖的感想和体会。　甲：我得奖他们哪来的感想和体会？　乙：这你就不懂了。他们要谈的是你的这个号码能够中奖的十八个理由。　甲：十八个理由？　乙；这还是经过内部交流之后精选出来的，我们原来准备了三十六个呢。　甲：有这么多吗。　乙：再接下来就是给你颁发证书的仪式。　甲：证书？　乙：名誉主席啊。　甲：我把这茬给忘了。　乙：怎么能忘呢？你忘了我们也忘不了。这是本次会议的高潮。也是本次会议的主题。　甲：那就颁吧。　乙：颁发证书之前得给你打个招呼。　甲：说吧。　乙：本来啊，我们想请曾经获得过特等奖的人，给你颁这个证书。　甲：结果呢？　乙：后来仔细一想啊，你还是第一个。　甲；你那学会里没有中过奖的人啊。　乙：我们不是还在努力吗。　甲：颁发完证书该完了吧。　乙：不，没完。　甲：还没完。　乙：还有演出啊　甲：演出？　乙：我们准备请刘欢，他唱的那个《好汉歌》我最喜欢了，还有韩红，她唱的《青藏高原》我也爱听。末了是景冈山，《我的眼里只有你》。　甲：盯上我啦。　乙：演出完了就餐，也不要啥好的，弄点甲鱼随便吃吃算了。　甲：吃甲鱼还是随便吃吃。　乙：吃饭的时候进入最后一个议题。　甲：吃饭还要工作啊。这态度没说的。　乙：跟你算帐啊。　甲：跟我算帐？　乙：这钱不都得你出吗。　甲：啊！闹了半天，是要我出钱啊。　乙：你看你这人。得了四百万，拿出个百来万来，就捧个名誉主席回家了，便宜。　甲：一百万买个破证书还便宜。　乙：你不是买**得的奖吗？用在我们学会也算是用在正途上了。不是有句话嘛，取之于民，用之于民吗。（以上乙都是用天津方言）　甲：这都挨得上吗。　乙：你说这是什么事。　甲：那你怎么办？　乙：怎么办？我惹不起我还躲不起吗？我搬家。　甲：不错，是个好办法。你原来住哪里？　乙：城南新村，一楼。　甲：准备搬到哪里？　乙：我从城市的最南边，搬到了最北边。　甲：北边没有新村啊。　乙：哪还敢住新村啊。　甲：那你住哪里？　乙：告诉你你准想不到。　甲：说来听听。　乙：还记得从前的那个水塔吗？　甲：知道，以前城市很小，先把水抽到塔上，再放到管子里，就是自来水了。现在废弃了。　乙：我就住那上面了。　甲：那上面能住人？怕有二十多米高吧。　乙：准确的高度是二十八点五米。还真不错，住在上面，全城都在我眼里。我终于明白了日本鬼子为什么要修碉堡了？　甲：为什么？　甲：站得高，看得远啊。　甲：这不废话吗？　乙：还有呢。　甲：什么？　乙：上下就一条路，谁想上来我都看得见。　甲：谁想上去啊。　乙：你想不到吧。　甲：还真有想上去的？　乙：有啊。　甲：这回是——？　乙：那天我和媳妇正要睡觉，听见下面有高音喇叭喊我的名字？　甲：要高音喇叭做什么？　乙：上下的路就是一条锈迹斑斑的铁梯子，我买了十把锁，把门锁住了。要想跟我讲话没高音喇叭我听不见啊。　甲：至于吗。　乙：不是怕人吗。　甲：好家伙，真有你的。喊什么了？　乙：（陕西方言）安红，我爱你！安红，我爱你！　甲：这是喊你吗？这不是**台词吗？　乙：我也叫安红。　甲：这回是谁在喊你？不是张艺谋吧。　乙：是市乞丐务虚理事会的。　甲：要饭的？　乙：不错！你想啊，我住这么高，他都能找到，除了要饭的谁有这本领。　甲：还真是的。丐帮的人到处都有啊。他们你做什么？　乙：想请我做丐帮帮主。　甲：这回不用出钱。　乙：他们说了，我们是穷人，吃苦吃惯了，我们要的不多，就十万块。就算你可怜可怜我们吧。　甲：可怜可怜就要十万啊！　乙：我想，没办法，我还得搬家。　甲：又搬了一回。这回搬到哪里了？　乙：我搬到了城北的郊区。农夹居，土房子，草顶子，没水没电。门口全是臭水沟。　甲：龙须沟啊。　乙：比龙须沟好不到哪里。　甲：这回安静了。　乙：我想也是啊。我搬到这里了。谁也不会想到我会有四百万吧。　甲：这不是找罪受吗。　乙：我媳妇不干了。　甲：她说什么？　乙：你个死鬼？　甲；死鬼？　乙：这是我媳妇的爱称。　甲：还爱称。　乙：死鬼，原以为你得了大奖，我们一家可以高高兴兴地过几天好日子，买套新房子，换换家具，配上全新的家电。再坐坐飞机，到新马港泰去旅游一趟，现在倒好，新马港泰没去成，跑到这里和臭水沟做了邻居。飞机没坐成，水塔上倒坐过了，也不错，水塔也蛮高的，看得到云从面前飘过了，就算是坐过飞机了。　甲：这是对你有意见了。　乙：我也没办法啊。　甲：劝劝吧。　乙：她还说了。　甲：说什么？　乙：她说了，我都琢磨过了，都是你中奖的号码不好。　甲：这跟号码有什么关系啊？　乙：我也是这么问的。　甲：她说什么？　乙：她说，你看你，1313766，用简谱唱就是哆咪哆咪西拉拉。　甲：这也没什么不好啊。　乙：她说，谐音就是：倒霉倒霉死了啦。　甲：挨得上吗！　乙：我也没办法。先睡觉吧。　甲：睡吧。　乙：睡着了就做了个梦。　甲：什么梦？　乙：梦见我住到了月亮上去了。　甲：和嫦娥和吴刚做邻居了。　乙：我心想，这下总没人来找我麻烦了吧。　甲：不错。　乙：有人敲门了。　甲：谁啊？　乙：我一开门，是吴刚。　甲：来看你了。　乙：有事吗？　甲：吴刚说什么了？　乙：吴刚说了，我是月亮**研究会的秘书长。受我们主席嫦娥的委托，来和你交流交流。

网友，请采纳一下我的问题吧！！！

　　　1说有一只北极熊，因为雪地太刺眼了，必须要戴墨镜才能看东西， 可是他找不到墨镜，于是闭着眼睛爬来爬去在地上找，爬呀爬呀，把手脚都爬的脏兮兮的才找到墨镜。 戴上墨镜，对着镜子一照，这才发现：哦，原来我是一只熊猫

　　3一只北极熊孤单的呆在冰上发呆，实在无聊就开始拔自己的毛玩，一根，两根，三根，最后拔的一根不剩，然后他就冷死了。

　　4从前从前有一只鸟，他每天都会经过一片玉米田，但是很不幸的,有一天那片玉米田发生了火灾，所有的玉米都变成了爆米花!!!小鸟飞过去以后……以为下雪，就冷死了。

　　5小明新理了发，第二天来到学校，同学们看到他的新发型，笑道：小明，你的头型好像个风筝哦！小明觉得很委屈，就跑到外面哭，哭着哭着，他就飞起来了。

　　6蜘蛛爱上了蝴蝶，蝴蝶却拒绝了它，蜘蛛问：为什么？这是为什么！蝴蝶说：我妈说了，整天在网上混的都不是好人．

　　7夏日炎炎的一天,两只香蕉走在路上。走在前面的香蕉突然觉得好热，他说，好热哦，我要把衣服脱掉。结果他就把皮给剥掉了。 结果后面的香蕉就跌倒了。然后脱了衣服的香蕉就变成了香蕉干~

　　8有一天，三个探险家终于寻找到"希望之谷"，传说中，只要站在山谷边大喊心中想要的东西，然后往山谷中跳下去，就会得到满坑满谷所想要的东西。于是他们三个决定试看看。

　　第一个是个色鬼，因此他大喊"女人！女人！"往下一跳果真有满坑满谷的美女正等着他

　　第二个是个书呆子，喊了"书书书书书！"然后，跳到山谷里也得到满坑满谷的书

　　第三个是个优柔寡断的人，左思右想总是无法决定自己的最爱，过了一个小时以后，他终于下定决心，觉得还是钞票最有用了，于是他走向山谷边一不小心踢到一颗石头，他骂了一声"shit！"不料一个重心不稳跌下山谷。

　　9小明呢，就明天要考试窝，但晚上却在看电视

　　小明妈妈就担心地问：书都看完了吗？明天要考试啊

　　小明就爽快地回答：妈，我看完了。

　　小明妈妈就很开心的赞扬小明：乖，那明天你一定考得很好呢

　　小明哭着说：妈，我是说，‘妈，我看，完了’。

　　10熊猫深爱着小鹿，表达爱意时却遭到拒绝。 熊猫大吼～为什麼？这一切都是为什麼？ 小鹿胆怯地说：我妈说了，戴墨镜的都是不良少年

　　11有一天小明走在路上！走着走着突然觉得脚很酸！为什么会这样呢因为小明踩到柠檬了！

　　12汉字当中哪个字最酷丁字裤(酷)

　　巾”对“币”说：儿啊。你戴上博士帽，也就身价百倍了。

　　“尺”对“尽”说：姐姐，结果出来了。你怀的是双胞胎。

　　“臣”对“巨”说：和你一样的面积。我却有三室俩厅。

　　13某日，一个大学老师提问一学生，树上有十只鸟，开枪打死一只，还剩几只？

　　学生反问：是无声手枪吗？不是枪声有多大？80-100分贝。在这个城市打鸟犯不犯法？不犯。您确定那只鸟真的被打死了吗？确定。这时，老师已经不耐烦了：“，你告诉我还剩几只鸟就行了，OK？树上的鸟里有没有聋子？没有。有没有被关在笼子里挂在树上的？没有。边上有没有其他的树，树上还有没有其他的鸟？没有。如果有鸟怀孕了，算不算肚子里的小鸟？不算。 打鸟的人眼有没有花？没有花，就十只。教师已经是满头是汗，且下课铃响，但学生继续问：有没有傻得不怕死的鸟？都怕死。会不会一枪打死两只？不会。学生满怀信心地说：，如果您的回答没有骗人“打死的鸟要是挂在树上没有掉下来，那么就剩一只，如果掉下来，就一只不剩。老师当即口吐白沫倒在地上！

　　14一天，有人经过十字路口，发现一件超级恐怖的事，他发现卡卡西和孙悟空竟然在笑！

　　15很久很久以前，有一晚，池塘里有三只虾，哈哈哈，一个女鬼放了一个屁死了。

　　16一个搞生物研究的女外星人来到地球,转了一圈后,觉得人类基因有不少可借鉴之处,于是她抓了个男人,想把他和关于人类基因的文本资料一起带回。可飞船体积小,没法带他走，资料又过于庞大,不能一次带完。焦虑之际，飞船的电脑帮助系统道：“这人身上有一根小小的棒子即可解决你所有问题……”这时她才恍然大悟,笑着留着口水对那个男人说：“。。。。。把U盘给我！” 。

　　17有一个陷儿正过马路，结果不小心被卡车压瘪了，他奄奄一息的时候看了看自己的身体，他说：“原来我是豆沙馅儿的，不是肉馅儿的”

　　18大哥，你别在摸了！你摸了上面摸下面，毛都让你摸掉了，这么嫩的皮，被你摸的都流水了！你让俺以后怎么卖？这桃都是新鲜的，您不买就算了！

　　19从前有只小羊，有天他出去玩，结果碰上了大灰狼。 大灰狼说：我要吃了你！！！小羊大惊！你们猜，结果怎么了？结果大灰狼就把小羊吃了。

　　20从前有个剑客，他人很冷，心很冷，剑很冷，最后冷死了

　　21从前有一只老虎在马路上追一只鹿！鹿大惊于是越跑越快，最后就变成了高速公路

　　22有一个西红柿，被石头拌了一跤吧嗒摔烂了，又有一个西红柿吧嗒又摔烂了，还有一个西红柿吧嗒吧嗒吧嗒吧嗒吧嗒无数个西红柿摔烂了最后一个西红柿也摔倒了啊嗒耶！番茄酱耶！

　　23士兵问连长：作战时踩到地雷咋办？连长大为恼火：靠，能咋办？踩坏了照价赔偿。

　　24一天，三只小猪为了躲避大灰狼的追赶，而建造了三个小屋。大灰狼不费劲的吹毁了草屋，木屋，砖屋，三只小猪们拼命的跑，但是还是被大灰狼追上了。三只小猪绝望地说，你看着办吧。我们放弃了，随你怎样。此时，大灰狼奸笑着，留着口水说：那快告诉我小红帽在哪里？

　　25大象把大便排在路中央，一只蚂蚁正好路过，它抬头望了望那云雾缭绕的顶峰，不禁唱到：呀啦索，这就是青藏高原！~~~~

我打了很久的，采纳一下吧！

1 say to have a polar bear, because the snow is too dazzling, must wear sunglasses to see things, but he could not find his glasses, then closed his eyes to climb on the ground, climb up, the hands and feet up the dirty to find sunglasses Wear a pair of sunglasses, a mirror to shine, it found that: Oh, I'm a panda

3 a polar bear to stay alone in a daze ice, really boring started pulling their hair, one, two, three, the last one left, and then he cold dead

4 once upon a time there lived a bird, he every day through a corn field, but unfortunately, a fire one day the cornfield, all corn into popcorn!!! The bird flew past later That the snow, cold dead

5 Xiao Ming Li of the new hair, the second day came to the school, the students saw his new hairstyle, smiles: Xiao Ming, your head like a kite oh! Xiao Ming feel wronged, they ran out crying, crying tears, he would fly up

6 spider fell in love with the butterfly, butterfly refused it, spider ask: why This is why! Butterfly said: my mom said, mixing all day on the Internet are not good

The 7 summer day, two bananas walk on the road Walk in front of the banana suddenly feel very hot, he said, good hot Oh, I want to take your clothes off He put the skin to peel away Results fell behind the banana Then undressed banana becomes dried banana

8 one day, three explorer finally find the "valley of hope", according to legend, just stand in the valley edge shouting what you want, then jump into Valley in large numbers, get what you want So the three of them decided to try to have a look

The first is a goat, so he shouted, "a woman! The woman! "There was a jump down in large numbers beauty waiting for him

The second is a nerd, shouted "book book book book book! "Then, jumping into the valley has been in large numbers of books

The third is a person always irresolute and hesitant, think of this way and that is not for them to decide the most love, an hour later, he finally determined, feel or money is the most useful, so he went to the valley edge Accidentally kicked a stone, he scolded "shit! "But an unstable center of gravity down the valley

9 Xiaoming, will have an exam tomorrow nest, but the night was to watch TV

Xiao Ming mother asked: books are finished Have an exam tomorrow

Xiaoming readily replied: Mom, I finished

Xiao Ming mother very happy praise Xiaoming: good, that tomorrow you will do a good job

Xiao Ming cried and said: Mom, I said, 'Mom, I see,'

The 10 panda love deer, expression love but was rejected The panda roar ~ why All this is why The fawn timidly say: my mother said, wearing sunglasses is bad boy

11 one day Xiaoming go on the road! Walked suddenly feel the foot is very acid! Why Because he stepped on a lemon!

Among the 12 Chinese characters which word is the coolest G-string (cool)

Towel "to" money "says: my son You wear a doctor cap, also have a sudden rise in social status

"Rule" to "do" said: the elder sister, the results come out You are carrying twins

"I" to "giant" said: and you have the same area I have 3 rooms two hall

13 one day, a university teacher asked a student, there are ten birds in the tree, shot and killed one, how many are left

The students asked: is the silent pistol No gunshots have how old 80-100 db Hits the bird in this city to violate the law Don't make Are you sure that bird was killed Determine At this time, the teacher was already impatient: ", you told me a few birds left to go, OK There is no deaf birds on the tree No There is no was shut in a cage hanging in the trees No There is no other tree, the tree has no other bird No If the birds were pregnant, calculate do not calculate in the belly of a bird Don't count Human bird have flowers No flower, have ten only The teacher was already sweating, and finishes class the bell sound, but the students continue to ask: is there any silly not afraid dead birds All fear death Will not shoot two Can't Students with full confidence, said: if you answer no lie "killed if the bird hanging did not fall in the tree, then remains one, if you fall, does not remain The teacher was foaming at the mouth and fell to the ground!

The 14 day, people pass the crossroads, found a super bloodcurdling thing, he found that Kakashi and Sun Wukong even in laughter!

15 a long time ago, one night, there are only three shrimp pond, ha ha ha, a ghost put a fart die

16 a biological study of female aliens came to earth, a circle, think the human gene has many lessons, she caught a man, want to put him back in and about human gene text data But its small size, don't take him away, data too large, not a band The anxiety, the ship's computer help system way: "this person has a small stick can solve all of your problems" Then she could see light suddenly, smile and keep slobber said to the man:" The U disk to me!"

17 there is a depression, crossing the road, was accidentally truck tyre, be at one's last gasp when he looked at his body, he said: "I was sweetened bean paste stuffing, not the meat stuffing"

The 18 eldest brother, you don't touch! You touch touch the hair above, let you feel lost, so tender skin, be felt by you running water! You let me how to sell This peach is fresh, you do not buy it!

19 once upon a time there was little sheep, one day he went out to play, the results hit the big bad wolf The wolf said: I want to eat you!!! The big surprise! Guess what, result how Results the wolf ate the lamb

20 once upon a time there was a swordsman, he is very cold, cold heart, sword is cold, the cold dead

21 once upon a time there was a tiger chasing a deer in the street! The deer was surprised and ran faster and faster, finally becomes a freeway

22 there is a tomato, was stone mix of Bata broken, and a tomato kipper and broken, and a tomato TA TA TA TA TA countless tomatoes smashed Finally a tomato fell Ah Da! Tomato sauce!

23 the commander of the soldiers asked: Combat stepped on landmines Even grew up as the angry: depend, can do Trampled the compensation

The 24 day, the three little pigs to avoid the wolf's pursuit, and built three cabin The wolf not laborious blow ruined grass, wood, brick house, the three little pigs are desperately run, but was caught up with the wolf The three little pigs desperate to say, you do it We give up, whatever you do At this time, the wolf crafty smile, keep slobber said: please tell me where is the Little Red Riding Hood

25 elephants in the stool Pai Road Central, one of ants is pass by, the peak, it looked to the cloud can not help but sing: ah cable, this is the Qinghai Tibet plateau! ~ ~ ~ ~

英语小品剧本 -- 孙悟空vs猪八戒An English play---- Pig Guy has been defeated by Monkey King悟空：师傅，是不是太累了？休息一下再走吧。 Master, are you tired Let’s have a rest唐僧：没关系，前面不远就有人家了，到了那里再休息吧。 I am fine Let’s have a rest later Look! There is a house over there悟空仔细地搀扶唐僧继续行走，同时另一边老头、老妈、小媳妇出场。小媳妇（做哭状）：爹、妈，我……Daddy, mommy, I, I …老头：女儿，快走吧，不然那猪精来了，就走不了了。 Honey, hurry up The spirit is coming soon小媳妇走几步又回头跑回老妈的怀里，抱头痛哭。老头在一边叹息，擦泪。唐僧、悟空走到他们面前。悟空：师傅，到了。Master, here we are唐僧（走到老头面前行礼，悟空看见了正在哭的母女俩，觉得奇怪，上下打量）：老施主，我是从

东土大唐前往西天取经的和尚，想借贵地休息一晚，不知方便否？Excuse me, sir I am the monk from the east Can we stay over here tonight老头（做哽咽状）：哦，是东土大唐来的高僧啊，可以可以。（别过脸去继续哭泣）Oh, you are the monk from the east Sure Sure, come in, please ……唐僧正在奇怪，老妈闻声抬起头，仔细打量唐僧，突然扑到唐僧面前。老妈：高僧啊，你可要救救我的女儿，救救我们一家啊。 Master, please save my daughter, save my family…唐僧：老施主休要伤心，有什么事慢慢说。Don’t be sad, madam Take it easy What happened老头：高僧有所不知，我们这里有一只猪精，今天要来跟我女儿成亲，大家都斗不过它，现在正

准备把女儿送出去逃避Master, there is a spirit here He wants to marry my daughter, tonight We are all

afraid of him 唐僧：施主莫怕，我这徒弟本领高强，也许他能帮上你们。Calm down, sir My apprentice has great capability Maybe, he can help you老头：唉，高僧啊，以前也来过自称本领高强的师傅，结果都被这猪精打跑了。今天你们就躲着

别出来了吧。Alas! , master, there have been many people who boast to be very capable But every

time, they were defeated by the spirit You’d better keep away tonight悟空：噢，有这么厉害的妖怪？我倒要会他一会。待会你们只管躲起来，外面发生什么事，都不

用管。What Is the spirit really so strong I’d like to see how great he is All of you

just stay inside Don’t come out no matter what happens这时起了风声（音乐），老头一家吓得站起来混身发抖。小媳妇吓得直往老妈怀里钻。悟空镇定

地举手示意，让师傅及老头一家人躲到房间里面去。自己也手搭凉篷看了看，便不慌不忙地也躲

在了门后，露出一段红袖子。猪八戒大笑着耀武扬威地走上场来，嘴里大喊：小娘子，我来了。Darling, here I am站在台上停一下，见没有动静，觉得奇怪，往房屋里看去，见露出一段红袖子，高兴地一拍手掌。八戒：小娘子还害羞呢，不敢出来见老猪吗？来，来，来，我们就要是夫妻了，还害什么羞呀！。Darling, don’t be so shy! Please come to me Come on, we will be a couple 猪八戒跑上去轻轻拉住红袖子，把小娘子拖了出来，小娘子作出害羞的样子，有时又做出猴子的

模样。八戒：小娘子，不用怕，我虽然长得丑，但本领高强，一定会让你过上好日子的。Darling, don’t be afraid Although I am ugly, I am so powerful I am sure that I

can make you happy 小娘子笑着点头，抓耳挠腮。 八戒：小娘子，你高兴的时候干嘛要像猴子一样？Darling, why do you look like a monkey 小娘子：我一高兴就觉得痒，所以就抓一抓。When I am happy, I always tickle八戒：高兴就好，高兴就好。我们快入洞房吧。Fine, let’s go to the bedroom八戒拉住小娘子就往房子里面钻。小娘子作出动脑筋的样子，又把八戒拉回来。八戒：哇，小娘子，你好大的力气啊，干嘛把我拉出来啊？Darling Why are you so powerful小娘子：夫君，你这模样进去会吓着我的父母的，还是去你家里吧。Honey, your appearance will frighten my parents We’d better go to your home八戒：去我家？那太好了，我们这就走吧。Go to my house？OK that’s a great idea Let’s go两人走了几步，小女子做出腿疼摔了一下的样子，八戒忙扶起她，作出痛惜的样子。小女子：我一个弱女子，哪里能走这么远？夫君背我吧。I cannot walk any further Can you carry me on your back八戒：背你？好，好，好。谁让你是我的媳妇呢？Carry you on my back All right You're my wife after all Come on八戒把小女子背上：娘子，我们这就出发了。Darling, Let's go小女子（在八戒头上一点）：走吧，呆子。Okay Let’s go音乐响起(直到八戒摔倒)。八戒在台上走一圈，做出越走越慢，越走越累的样子。小女子在他背

上抓耳挠腮，非常高兴。 八戒：小娘子，你怎么这么重啊？Darling, why are you so heavy 小女子：不是我重，只怕是你不想背我吧？Do you think so Don't you want to carry me)八戒：不,不,不，我背，我背。Yes, I do I do 继续艰难地走。小女子得意地在背上笑。八戒体力不支，一跤摔倒，小女子倒地之后，

灵活地越上台上的假山，先做出猴子笑看八戒的样子，再做出摔疼了的样子在那里呻吟。

八戒听到女子的呻吟，忙东张西望找小媳妇。八戒：娘子，摔着了没有？娘子，摔着了没有？娘子，你摔到哪去了？怎么看不见你了？Darling, are you OK Darling, where are you Why can't I see you小女子（偷偷地笑，再装作痛苦的样子）：夫君，我在这里呢。Honey, I am here八戒：哇，娘子, 你怎么摔到高的地方去了？Darling Why did you go up there 小女子：还不是你这呆子害的。That's your fault 八戒：对不起，娘子。对不起，娘子。Sorry, darling I’m very sorry小女子：看你这么辛苦，我也摔疼了，那就休息休息吧。You look so tired, and I feel sore Let’s have a rest八戒：太好了。 我们就休息一下吧！ Have a rest That’s a good idea Let’s have a rest 八戒听了高兴地坐在下面休息，小女子仔细地打量他。小女子（撒娇地）：夫君，你是哪里的神仙，我都还不知道，怎么能嫁给你呢？你可要告诉我。Honey, how can I marry you I don’t even know where you come from You must tell me

the truth first八戒：唉，别提了，想当年我本是天上的天篷元帅，上天入地，八面威风。只因冒犯了嫦娥，

被玉帝贬下凡尘，错投了猪胎，长成这般模样。Alas! Don’t mention it I was Tianpeng marshal, I could fly between heaven and the

world Only because I made a big mistake, I was punished by Yudi So I became a pig

That’s why I am so ugly小女子：亏你长得这么丑，还敢出来见人。 You look too ugly to meet people八戒：本来我也不想出来，只是南海观音点化我，叫我在这里等候前往西天的取经人。等了这么久，

也不见，便出来逛逛，能碰到娘子你，是我一生的造化，还管它什么西天取经呢？（八戒高兴地过

去想拉小女子的手）I didn’t want to come here Nanhai Guanyin asked me to wait for Tangseng I've been

waiting for a long time, but nobody has come It’s lucky to meet you here 小女子（把手甩开）：你说自己是天上的神仙，怎么连我都背不动，真让人难以相信。You said that you were an immortal in the heaven Why can’t you carry me It’s

impossible!八戒：我真的是天上的神仙，你干嘛不信呢你。I am really the immortal Why don’t you believe me小女子：那你拿出点本事来瞧瞧。 Show me some gongfu then八戒：好，让我露两手来给你看看。OK, let me show you my gongfu 从石头后拿出钉钯，舞了起来。小女子暗暗点头。当八戒的钉色舞到小女子面前时，被小女子一把

抓住，往石山后面一拖，八戒被拖了过去。八戒：娘子，你怎么这么大的力气？ Darling Why are you so strong 小女子：有本事你把我拖出去呀。Pull me out if you can 八戒做出用力拖的样子，没有发现拖出来的却是悟空。悟空一松手，八戒摔倒在地。八戒：娘子，你怎么这么狠心把我摔倒了 不要开玩笑了。 How could you let me fall down Don’t kid any longer

悟空大笑：呆子，看看我是谁！ You Silly! Look at me Who am I

八戒一看，吓得跳起来：齐天大圣，我的妈呀。 My god! You are Mahatma!

八戒转身想跑，被悟空拦住，两人打了起来，八戒不是对手，被悟空压住，不能动弹。

悟空：呆子，你可还敢在这里害人不成？You silly! Dare you harm others any more八戒：不敢了，不敢了。 No, I dare not!

悟空： 你可还敢在这里娶媳妇？Dare you wive yet

八戒：不敢了。大圣爷爷饶我。 No,no Please forgive me, Mahatma

悟空：量你也不敢。 I bet you dare not 悟空放开，八戒转身想跑，被悟空一把抓住耳朵，疼得直叫。

悟空：呆子，想往哪里去？ You silly, where are you going

八戒：我已答应你，不再闹事了，干嘛还不放我走？ I'll never make trouble any more Why don't you let me go悟空：呆子，我带你去见取经人。 You silly, I'm taking you to meet the sutra-seeker 八戒：什么？取经人来了？What Has Tangseng come 悟空：走吧。Yes Let's go!

两人在台上走半圈，来到房前。悟空：师傅，出来吧，这妖怪已经被我降服了。

Master, please come out! The spirit has been defeated !

唐僧等人走了出来，老头一家还有些战战兢兢。

悟空：呆子，还不跪下，见过师傅。 You silly, kneel down to meet your master八戒忙对着唐僧下跪，口喊师傅。唐僧非常吃惊。Master, nice to meet you here

唐僧：徒儿，这是怎么回事？My prentice, what's up

悟空：师傅，这是观世音菩萨特意让他在此等候陪您上西天取经的。

Master, he will accompany you to the west at Guanyin's behest

唐僧：哦，多谢观世音菩萨，既然这样我就收你为徒，赐你法名为 八戒。

I see! Thank Guanyin! Since then, I will take you as my prentice and name you Bajie

八戒：谢谢师傅（站了起来）。

Thank you, my master!

老头：恭喜高僧又收神徒。

Congratulations!

唐僧：徒儿们，我们上路吧。（八戒还依依不舍地看着小女子）

Let's go ahead, my prentices

悟空：八戒，还看什么呢？走了。

Bajie, there is nothing to attach to Let's go!

八戒恋恋不舍地走到前面带路。