情感本剧本杀怎么玩

首先，选本，情感本需要玩家格外投入和沉浸，所以最好选择与自己本身性格特点比较相符的角色去体验ta的一生。一般情感本开场选本前，dm都会给到几个问题，术语称为“Q&A”，根据你对于一些问题的回答，与剧本角色的贴合度，来给你分配更适合你的剧本。

其次，读本，在读本过程中，一定要安静、认真，不要经常与朋友交头接耳，尤其说一些与剧本无关的内容，因为这会让你自己以及其他同车玩家非常出戏。情感本是需要氛围的营造的，玩家需要有较强的信念感，抛除现实生活中的你自己，所以出戏会让人很难再入戏。

再次，交流。行话叫“输出”。情感本可能经常需要我们代入角色的人生，站在ta的立场，对在场玩家或npc交流，所以前提就是你要吃透你的这个角色，ta会对谁报有怎么样的感情？对ta的cp、亲朋好友都会说些什么话？一般在沉浸环节，dm都会关灯，让玩家们打开手中的蜡烛营造气氛。

此时，dm可能会扮演一定的npc角色，问你一些戳心的问题，行话叫“灵魂拷问”，直指玩家内心深处的情感，让人动容甚至哭泣。如果你无法共情，也不要做出一些嘲笑哭泣的沉浸玩家等不礼貌的举动。

最后，情感本一般没有凶案或者推凶并不重要，所以一般不必揪着一个点一直盘，影响其他人游戏体验和进程。

大师可以推荐几个比较好玩的情感本《永不褪色的山楂林》《云使》《苍歧》《林记凉茶铺》《小吊梨汤》等等，小侦探可以试试哦。

情感快递

道具：电动自行车，桌子（上面放着书，下面放着恐龙玩具），椅子两把，一块大布，长字条（以后请不要再打呼噜了，再打呼噜就用大嘴巴子踢死你！！！），酒瓶，枣，照片，梨，框子。

背景音乐音效：开门声，关门声，If（丁可唱），扇巴掌声，比较阴森恐怖的音乐。

快：到，我是大辟叉快递公司的金牌特送员9527，今天你的状态怎么样？好，好，非常好，非常好，耶！以右边自行车为基准，向右看齐，立定。标准站姿，我们是不是最棒的团队，是！我们要不要拿出最好的状态，要！我们要不要展现出最好的自己，要！我们的口号是：加油，加油，我最棒。加油，加油我最强！加油，加油，我最棒。加油，加油我最强！加油，加油，我最棒。加油，加油我最强！耶~我不锁你了，但你不许找别的自行车玩，我一会就回来啊！ 哎呀 ，你好我是大辟叉快递公司的，请问哪位亲要发快递啊。

女：来了

快：啊

女：进来吧，单子给我

快：哎呀，姐，我多句嘴，你这收发咋是同一个地址呢

女：这你都看出来了，来，带着这个过去吧！

快：姐，同城，异地，包括国外，我们都能对付，但是你要从一个世界到另一个世界，大辟叉做不到哇！

女：楼下你还做不到吗？

快：噢，哎呀我去，吓死我了，你这楼上楼下你还发快递啊。

女：我乐意。

快：姐，你这属于扶贫呐，哎呀我去，我以为是挽联呢，快递费十块钱。

女：货到付款。

快：哎，你说这人有意思没，发这玩意，我要天天接这活，我早买房了。大劈叉9527，有您的快递，是XX先生吧。

男：说

快：你的联，以后请不要再打呼噜了，再打呼噜就用大嘴巴子踢死你啊啊啊啊，叹号叹号叹号，快递费十块钱。

男：谁送的。

快：楼上那老娘们

男：那是我媳妇

快：啊

男：想要这钱吗？

快：想

男：传我旨意，你告诉她，我就打呼噜她爱听不听，不听滚，这戒指给他连带这个“切~”一块打包给我送过去，货到付款。

快:什么情况，什么家庭，不送了，不行啊，这玩意挺贵的，我得送啊，记着点20啊 姐

女：谁啊

快：劈叉公公，我们皇上说了，切~爱听不听，不听滚。这是你的旨，快递费20

女：他说的啊，那你进来，来，我是不是给你点脸了，你没有我生活能不能自理了，你每天吃饱喝足了，你往沙发上给我一瘫，你就跟那打啤酒沫子似的，你挺挂杯啊，我让你干点家务活，就跟杀你似的，咱俩结婚十年，你挑战了我十年，我哪次说话你听过，哪次说话你信过我哪次说话你走过心，还有我跟你说过一万遍，我不爱喝露露，我不爱吃梨，我不爱喝露露，我不爱吃梨，我不爱喝，呕~~我不爱吃梨。这两样你能不能记住，能不能

快：我能，但是我是快递，你跟我说什么玩意呢？

女：这是快递

快：快递啊~你这属于传话，你需要翻译呀。

女：翻译个屁，以原声大碟，MTV的格式给我递过去，对了啊，还有这兜子他的最爱，来，一块给我递过去。

快：哎，你说我这不是倒霉催的吗，我钱没收着，我还挨顿骂，跟谁俩呢，整一下一下的，记得30。你好，大劈叉 我是不是给你点脸了，你没有我生活能不能自理了，你每天吃饱喝足了，你往沙发上给我一瘫，你就跟那打啤酒沫子似的，你挺挂杯啊，我让你干点家务活，就跟杀你似的，咱俩结婚十年，你挑战了我十年，我哪次说话你听过，哪次说话你信过我哪次说话你走过心，还有我跟你说过一万遍，我不爱喝露露，我不爱吃梨，我不爱喝露露，我不爱吃梨，我不爱喝，呕~~我不爱吃梨。这两样你能不能记住，能不能。收，大哥，MTV播放完毕。

男：MTV 播放完毕

快：嗯

男：这又是开启的疯狗模式啊，你是按子收钱呢，还是按时段收钱呐

快：哥，你别管咋收钱啦，这还有兜子梨呢。

男：我算弄明白了，这是要离啊!

快：我说大哥吧，你也可以把它理解成止咳。

男：别贫，鉴于你刚才那段MTV，我突然有个想法。

快：啥呀，哥。

男：我想包你。

快：大哥我不是那种人。

男：你想啥呢，就你是我也不是啊，我这有一千块钱，帮我送份快递。

快：哥，用不上，用不上。

男：我花钱制作一部微**，接下来的三分钟，是你人生中最疯狂的三分钟。

快：得有多疯狂啊！

男：随心所欲。

快：那三分钟也不够啊

男：我怕时间长，你把房子给拆了，你要送的这段微**，片名就一个字“作”不是“嘬” 是“作”Z—U—O，作。

快：那是你两口子的事，超出我业务范围了，我送不了。

男：你要不送，我就投诉你。

快：别闹

男：投诉

快：送就送。 **你的快递 姐你家的吹风机在哪？ 姐，微**播放完毕。制片人，楼下我大哥，导演，楼下我大哥。领衔主演，9527。微**只有一个字“作”。

女：大甜枣给你啊，大嘴巴子给我递过去。

快：你这是给个巴掌，再给个大甜枣啊！

女：我这是把你这段微**给升级成武打片了。

快：你啥片我也不干了 干啥呀，打我啊。

女：疼不疼。

快：咋不疼，它酥酥的。

女：生不生气

快：想咬人

女：想不想打人。

快：见谁搂谁

女：那还等什么，奔跑吧兄弟

快：货到付款呗。明白。 大劈叉9527

男：你把这一箱子给我邮过去。

快：哥，你邮我吧。我估计你邮完我，我也就邮医院去了，这回我啥也不邮了

男：你不邮我就投诉你。

快：投呗，我降我都投了，还怕你投诉我吗？大哥我是看出来了，你们两口子针尖对麦芒，你说你这么有性格，你找我姐去，你是打是扇随便你。

男：你以为我不敢是不是。 不去了，太晚了，你走吧。

快：哎呀我去，不怪我姐说你啊，你可真是啤酒沫子，你可真挂杯了。

男：滚

快：爱送不送，不送拉倒，爱死不死

快：你好大劈叉

女：替我啊，打我啊，挠我啊，来啊来啊。让暴风雨来得更猛烈些吧

快：姐这次真不是暴风雨，你猜我搁我哥那屋发现啥了

女：爱啥啥

快：一根大长头发丝

女：爱啥丝啥丝，爱多长多多长，这么长吗？不是我的

快：不光有头发丝，还有香水味呢

女：滚

快：大劈叉，在我姐那屋发现的，哥那不是下酒菜。

男：不是我的，我的没这香。

女：XX你狼心狗肺

男：XX你也不是什么好东西

女：你臭不要脸，臭不要脸

男：你香你香，就你香

快：哎呀，大哥大姐，消消气啊，我给你们放段音乐，缓和一下尴尬的气氛，虽然我不知道啊，你们为啥闹到今天这样，但我敢说呢，你们俩还是彼此在意对方的，我从前听说过这么一段故事，说有这么一对老夫妻，在一块生活了六十年，老两口呢，特别爱吃鱼，老头给老太太夹了一辈子鱼尾，老太太给老头夹了一辈子鱼头。有一天呢，他俩就约定好，说这回谁也不给谁夹，自己吃自己的，鱼做好了。老头上去把鱼尾巴夹到自己碗里，而老太太则夹了鱼头。两人是边吃边笑啊，其实老太太一直爱吃鱼头，但却吃了一辈子鱼尾巴，而老头爱吃鱼尾巴，但却吃了一辈子鱼头。就这样两人生活了六十年，忍让了六十年，这是什么啊，这是爱！两人都把自己最爱的东西让给对方。哥，姐这不像你俩一样，我姐爱吃枣，我哥爱吃梨。你看你两口子吃的这玩意，栆梨啊。姐啊，那头发丝啊是我在你门口捡的，哥，那袜子吧是我自己的。你看看这样多好啊，有啥事不能当面唠。 失败了，行了我也该下班了，再见。

女：9527

快：干啥呀姐，你还想从头来一遍啊。

女：快快，进来，你再帮姐送最后一份快递呗

快：你可拉倒吧，你送那玩意，都是易燃易爆的。

女：这次不危险，而且很浪漫

快：啥呀

女：我

快：哎呀我去

女：快点，听我的，帮我卷起来

快：不是姐，你说你搁这瞎扯啥呢，我哥也没翻你牌子啊，你再给自己整Low喽！

女：Low了不怕，就怕漏了。

快：不是，你捆成这样等会你咋下台阶啊

女：你说对了，我就是让你帮我找个台阶下，你在前面走，姐在后面蹦。

快：小心点啊，台阶看着点。小心点，蹦，蹦，蹦。躺下，躺下。大哥你的最后一份快递。

男：我说你一天天

快：走你

女：哎呀（音乐If起）

注：只是台词剧本，没有动作解说。需要的请结合小品视频。“快”——大劈叉快递员。

“女”——楼上妻子，“男”——楼下丈夫。

Scene I A public place

(Enter Sampson and Gregory armed with swords and bucklers)

SampsonGregory, o' my word, we'll not carry coals

GregoryNo, for then we should be colliers

SampsonI mean, an we be in choler we'll draw

GregoryAy, while you live, draw your neck out o' the collar

SampsonI strike quickly, being moved

GregoryBut thou art not quickly moved to strike

SampsonA dog of the house of Montague moves me

GregoryTo move is to stir; and to be valiant is to stand:therefore, if thou art moved, thou runn'st away

SampsonA dog of that house shall move me to stand:I will take the wall of any man or maid of Montague's

GregoryThat shows thee a weak slave; for the weakest goes to thewall

SampsonTrue; and therefore women, being the weaker vessels,are ever thrust to the wall: therefore I will push Montague's menfrom the wall and thrust his maids to the wall

GregoryThe quarrel is between our masters and us their men

Sampson'Tis all one, I will show myself a tyrant:when I have fought with the men I will be cruel with the maids,I will cut off their heads

GregoryThe heads of the maids

SampsonAy, the heads of the maids, or their maidenheads;take it in what sense thou wilt

GregoryThey must take it in sense that feel it

SampsonMe they shall feel while I am able to stand:and 'tis known I am a pretty piece of flesh

Gregory'Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst,thou hadst been poor-John--Draw thy tool;Here comes two of the house of Montagues

SampsonMy naked weapon is out: quarrel! I will back thee

GregoryHow! turn thy back and run

SampsonFear me not

GregoryNo, marry; I fear thee!

SampsonLet us take the law of our sides; let them begin

GregoryI will frown as I pass by; and let them take it as theylist

SampsonNay, as they dare I will bite my thumb at them; which isdisgrace to them if they bear it

(Enter Abraham and Balthasar)

AbrahamDo you bite your thumb at us, sir

SampsonI do bite my thumb, sir

AbrahamDo you bite your thumb at us, sir

SampsonIs the law of our side if I say ay

GregoryNo

SampsonNo, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir; but I bite mythumb, sir

GregoryDo you quarrel, sir

AbrahamQuarrel, sir! no, sir

SampsonBut if you do, sir, am for you: I serve as good a man asyou

AbrahamNo better

SampsonWell, sir

GregorySay better; here comes one of my master's kinsmen

SampsonYes, better, sir

AbrahamYou lie

SampsonDraw, if you be men--Gregory, remember thy swashing blow

(They fight)

(Enter Benvolio)

BenvolioPart, fools! put up your swords; you know not what you do(Beats down their swords)

(Enter Tybalt)

TybaltWhat, art thou drawn among these heartless hindsTurn thee Benvolio, look upon thy death

BenvolioI do but keep the peace: put up thy sword,Or manage it to part these men with me

TybaltWhat, drawn, and talk of peace! I hate the wordAs I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee:Have at thee, coward!

(They fight)

(Enter several of both Houses, who join the fray; then enterCitizens with clubs)

1 CitizenClubs, bills, and partisans! strike! beat them down!Down with the Capulets! Down with the Montagues!

(Enter Capulet in his gown, and Lady Capulet)

CapuletWhat noise is this--Give me my long sword, ho!

Lady CapuletA crutch, a crutch!--Why call you for a sword

CapuletMy sword, I say!--Old Montague is come,And flourishes his blade in spite of me

(Enter Montague and his Lady Montague)

MontagueThou villain Capulet!-- Hold me not, let me go

Lady MontagueThou shalt not stir one foot to seek a foe

(Enter Prince, with Attendants)

PrinceRebellious subjects, enemies to peace,Profaners of this neighbour-stained steel,--Will they not hear--What, ho! you men, you beasts,That quench the fire of your pernicious rageWith purple fountains issuing from your veins,--On pain of torture, from those bloody handsThrow your mistemper'd weapons to the groundAnd hear the sentence of your moved prince--Three civil brawls, bred of an airy word,By thee, old Capulet, and Montague,Have thrice disturb'd the quiet of our streets;And made Verona's ancient citizensCast by their grave beseeming ornaments,To wield old partisans, in hands as old,Canker'd with peace, to part your canker'd hate:If ever you disturb our streets again,Your lives shall pay the forfeit of the peaceFor this time, all the rest depart away:--You, Capulet, shall go along with me;--And, Montague, come you this afternoon,To know our farther pleasure in this case,To old Free-town, our common judgment-place--Once more, on pain of death, all men depart

(Exeunt Prince and Attendants; Capulet, Lady Capulet, Tybalt,Citizens, and Servants)

MontagueWho set this ancient quarrel new abroach--Speak, nephew, were you by when it began

BenvolioHere were the servants of your adversaryAnd yours, close fighting ere I did approach:I drew to part them: in the instant cameThe fiery Tybalt, with his sword prepar'd;Which, as he breath'd defiance to my ears,He swung about his head, and cut the winds,Who, nothing hurt withal, hiss'd him in scorn:While we were interchanging thrusts and blows,Came more and more, and fought on part and part,Till the prince came, who parted either part

Lady MontagueO, where is Romeo--saw you him to-day--Right glad I am he was not at this fray

BenvolioMadam, an hour before the worshipp'd sunPeer'd forth the golden window of the east,A troubled mind drave me to walk abroad;Where,--underneath the grove of sycamoreThat westward rooteth from the city's side,--So early walking did I see your son:Towards him I made; but he was ware of me,And stole into the covert of the wood:I, measuring his affections by my own,--That most are busied when they're most alone,--Pursu'd my humour, not pursuing his,And gladly shunn'd who gladly fled from me

MontagueMany a morning hath he there been seen,With tears augmenting the fresh morning's dew,Adding to clouds more clouds with his deep sighs:But all so soon as the all-cheering sunShould in the farthest east begin to drawThe shady curtains from Aurora's bed,Away from light steals home my heavy son,And private in his chamber pens himself;Shuts up his windows, locks fair daylight outAnd makes himself an artificial night:Black and portentous must this humour prove,Unless good counsel may the cause remove

BenvolioMy noble uncle, do you know the cause

MontagueI neither know it nor can learn of him

BenvolioHave you importun'd him by any means

MontagueBoth by myself and many other friends;But he, his own affections' counsellor,Is to himself,--I will not say how true,--But to himself so secret and so close,So far from sounding and discovery,As is the bud bit with an envious wormEre he can spread his sweet leaves to the air,Or dedicate his beauty to the sunCould we but learn from whence his sorrows grow,We would as willingly give cure as know

BenvolioSee, where he comes: so please you step aside;I'll know his grievance or be much denied

MontagueI would thou wert so happy by thy stayTo hear true shrift--Come, madam, let's away,

--And she's fair

(Exeunt Montague and Lady)

(Enter Romeo)

BenvolioGood morrow, cousin

RomeoIs the day so young

BenvolioBut new struck nine

RomeoAy me! sad hours seem longWas that my father that went hence so fast

BenvolioIt was--What sadness lengthens Romeo's hours

RomeoNot having that which, having, makes them short

BenvolioIn love

RomeoOut,--

BenvolioOf love

RomeoOut of her favour where I am in love

BenvolioAlas, that love, so gentle in his view,Should be so tyrannous and rough in proof!

RomeoAlas that love, whose view is muffled still,Should, without eyes, see pathways to his will!--Where shall we dine--O me!--What fray was hereYet tell me not, for I have heard it allHere's much to do with hate, but more with love:--Why, then, O brawling love! O loving hate!O anything, of nothing first create!O heavy lightness! serious vanity!Mis-shapen chaos of well-seeming forms!Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire, sick health!Still-waking sleep, that is not what it is!--This love feel I, that feel no love in thisDost thou not laugh

BenvolioNo, coz, I rather weep

RomeoGood heart, at what

she's fair I love

BenvolioAt thy good heart's oppression

RomeoWhy, such is love's transgression--Griefs of mine own lie heavy in my breast;Which thou wilt propagate, to have it prestWith more of thine: this love that thou hast shownDoth add more grief to too much of mine ownLove is a smoke rais'd with the fume of sighs;Being purg'd, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes;Being vex'd, a sea nourish'd with lovers' tears:What is it else a madness most discreet,A choking gall, and a preserving sweet--Farewell, my coz

(Going)

BenvolioSoft! I will go along:An if you leave me so, you do me wrong

RomeoTut! I have lost myself; I am not here:This is not Romeo, he's some other where

BenvolioTell me in sadness who is that you love

RomeoWhat, shall I groan and tell thee

BenvolioGroan! why, no;But sadly tell me who

RomeoBid a sick man in sadness make his will,--Ah, word ill urg'd to one that is so ill!--In sadness, cousin, I do love a woman

BenvolioI aim'd so near when I suppos'd you lov'd

RomeoA right good markman!--And she's fair I love

BenvolioA right fair mark, fair coz, is soonest hit

RomeoWell, in that hit you miss: she'll not be hitWith Cupid's arrow,--she hath Dian's wit;And, in strong proof of chastity well arm'd,From love's weak childish bow she lives unharm'dShe will not stay the siege of loving termsNor bide th' encounter of assailing eyes,Nor ope her lap to saint-seducing gold:O, she's rich in beauty; only poorThat, when she dies, with beauty dies her store

BenvolioThen she hath sworn that she will still live chaste

RomeoShe hath, and in that sparing makes huge waste;For beauty, starv'd with her severity,Cuts beauty off from all posterityShe is too fair, too wise; wisely too fair,To merit bliss by making me despair:She hath forsworn to love; and in that vowDo I live dead that live to tell it now

BenvolioBe rul'd by me, forget to think of her

RomeoO, teach me how I should forget to think

BenvolioBy giving liberty unto thine eyes;Examine other beauties

Romeo'Tis the wayTo call hers, exquisite, in question more:These happy masks that kiss fair ladies' brows,Being black, puts us in mind they hide the fair;He that is strucken blind cannot forgetThe precious treasure of his eyesight lost:Show me a mistress that is passing fair,What doth her beauty serve but as a noteWhere I may read who pass'd that passing fairFarewell: thou canst not teach me to forget

BenvolioI'll pay that doctrine, or else die in debt

(Exeunt)

Scene II A Street

(Enter Capulet, Paris, and Servant)

CapuletBut Montague is bound as well as I,In penalty alike; and 'tis not hard, I think,For men so old as we to keep the peace

ParisOf honourable reckoning are you both;And pity 'tis you liv'd at odds so longBut now, my lord, what say you to my suit

CapuletBut saying o'er what I have said before:My child is yet a stranger in the world,She hath not seen the change of fourteen years;Let two more summers wither in their prideEre we may think her ripe to be a bride

ParisYounger than she are happy mothers made

CapuletAnd too soon marr'd are those so early madeThe earth hath swallowed all my hopes but she,--She is the hopeful lady of my earth:But woo her, gentle Paris, get her heart,My will to her consent is but a part;An she agree, within her scope of choiceLies my consent and fair according voiceThis night I hold an old accustom'd feast,Whereto I have invited many a guest,Such as I love; and you among the store,One more, most welcome, makes my number moreAt my poor house look to behold this nightEarth-treading stars that make dark heaven light:Such comfort as do lusty young men feelWhen well apparell'd April on the heelOf limping winter treads, even such delightAmong fresh female buds shall you this nightInherit at my house; hear all, all see,And like her most whose merit most shall be:Which, among view of many, mine, being one,May stand in number, though in reckoning noneCome, go with me--Go, sirrah, trudge aboutThrough fair Verona; find those persons outWhose names are written there, (gives a paper) and to them say,My house and welcome on their pleasure stay

(Exeunt Capulet and Paris)

sadness who is that

ServantFind them out whose names are written here!It is written that the shoemaker should meddle withhis yard and the tailor with his last, the fisher withhis pencil, and the painter with his nets; but I amsent to find those persons whose names are here writ,and can never find what names the writing personhath here writ I must to the learned:--in good time!

(Enter Benvolio and Romeo)

BenvolioTut, man, one fire burns out another's burning,One pain is lessen'd by another's anguish;Turn giddy, and be holp by backward turning;One desperate grief cures with another's languish:Take thou some new infection to thy eye,And the rank poison of the old will die

RomeoYour plantain-leaf is excellent for that

BenvolioFor what, I pray thee

RomeoFor your broken shin

BenvolioWhy, Romeo, art thou mad

RomeoNot mad, but bound more than a madman is;Shut up in prison, kept without my food,Whipp'd and tormented and--God-den, good fellow

ServantGod gi' go-den--I pray, sir, can you read

RomeoAy, mine own fortune in my misery

ServantPerhaps you have learned it without book:but I pray, can you read anything you see

RomeoAy, If I know the letters and the language

ServantYe say honestly: rest you merry!

RomeoStay, fellow; I can read (Reads)'Signior Martino and his wife and daughters;County Anselmo and his beauteous sisters; thelady widow of Vitruvio; Signior Placentio andhis lovely nieces; Mercutio and his brotherValentine; mine uncle Capulet, his wife, anddaughters; my fair niece Rosaline; Livia; SigniorValentio and his cousin Tybalt; Lucio and thelively Helena'A fair assembly (Gives back the paper): whither should theycome

ServantUp

RomeoWhither

ServantTo supper; to our house

RomeoWhose house

ServantMy master's

RomeoIndeed I should have ask'd you that before

ServantNow I'll tell you without asking: my master is the greatrich Capulet; and if you be not of the house of Montagues,I pray, come and crush a cup of wine Rest you merry!

(Exit)

BenvolioAt this same ancient feast of Capulet'sSups the fair Rosaline whom thou so lov'st;With all the admired beauties of VeronaGo thither; and, with unattainted eye,Compare her face with some that I shall show,And I will make thee think thy swan a crow

RomeoWhen the devout religion of mine eyeMaintains such falsehood, then turn tears to fires;And these,--who, often drown'd, could never die,--Transparent heretics, be burnt for liars!One fairer than my love the all-seeing sunNe'er saw her match since first the world begun

lov'd love a

BenvolioTut, you saw her fair, none else being by,Herself pois'd with herself in either eye:But in that crystal scales let there be weigh'dYour lady's love against some other maidThat I will show you shining at this feast,And she shall scant show well that now shows best

RomeoI'll go along, no such sight to be shown,But to rejoice in splendour of my own

(Exeunt)

Scene III Room in Capulet's House

(Enter Lady Capulet, and Nurse)

Lady CapuletNurse, where's my daughter call her forth to me

NurseNow, by my maidenhea,--at twelve year old,--I bade her come--What, lamb! what ladybird!--God forbid!--where's this girl--what, Juliet!

(Enter Juliet)

JulietHow now, who calls

NurseYour mother

JulietMadam, I am here What is your will

Lady CapuletThis is the matter,--Nurse, give leave awhile,We must talk in secret: nurse, come back again;I have remember'd me, thou's hear our counselThou knowest my daughter's of a pretty age

NurseFaith, I can tell her age unto an hour

Lady CapuletShe's not fourteen

NurseI'll lay fourteen of my teeth,--And yet, to my teen be it spoken, I have but four,--She is not fourteen How long is it nowTo Lammas-tide

Lady CapuletA fortnight and odd days

NurseEven or odd, of all days in the year,Come Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteenSusan and she,--God rest all Christian souls!--Were of an age: well, Susan is with God;She was too good for me:--but, as I said,On Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen;That shall she, marry; I remember it well'Tis since the earthquake now eleven years;And she was wean'd,--I never shall forget it--,Of all the days of the year, upon that day:For I had then laid wormwood to my dug,Sitting in the sun under the dove-house wall;My lord and you were then at Mantua:Nay, I do bear a brain:--but, as I said,When it did taste the wormwood on the nippleOf my dug and felt it bitter, pretty fool,To see it tetchy, and fall out with the dug!Shake, quoth the dove-house: 'twas no need, I trow,To bid me trudgeAnd since that time it is eleven years;For then she could stand alone; nay, by the roodShe could have run and waddled all about;For even the day before, she broke her brow:And then my husband,--God be with his soul!'A was a merry man,--took up the child:'Yea,' quoth he, 'dost thou fall upon thy faceThou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit;Wilt thou not, Jule' and, by my holidame,The pretty wretch left crying, and said 'Ay:'To see now how a jest shall come about!I warrant, an I should live a thousand yeas,I never should forget it; 'Wilt thou not, Jule' quoth he;And, pretty fool, it stinted, and said 'Ay'

Lady CapuletEnough of this; I pray thee hold thy peace

NurseYes, madam;--yet I cannot choose but laugh,To think it should leave crying, and say 'Ay:'And yet, I warrant, it had upon its browA bump as big as a young cockerel's stone;A parlous knock; and it cried bitterly'Yea,' quoth my husband, 'fall'st upon thy faceThou wilt fall backward when thou com'st to age;Wilt thou not, Jule' it stinted, and said 'Ay'

JulietAnd stint thou too, I pray thee, nurse, say I

NursePeace, I have done God mark thee to his grace!Thou wast the prettiest babe that e'er I nurs'd:An I might live to see thee married once, I have my wish

Lady CapuletMarry, that marry is the very themeI came to talk of--Tell me, daughter Juliet,How stands your disposition to be married

一天，马克·吐温外出乘车。 当列车员检查车票时，他翻遍了每个衣袋，也没有找到自己的车票。 刚好这个列 车员认识他，于是就安慰马克·吐温说：“没关系，如果您实在找不到车票，那也不碍事。“咳！怎么不碍事，我必须找到那张该死的车票，不然的话，我 怎么知道自己要到哪儿去呢？”　马克·吐温有一次乘火车去一所大学讲课，因为时间紧张，他十分着急，但火车却开得很慢。这时，过来一位检票员，向他问道：“先生，您有票吗？”　马克·吐温递给他一张儿童票。　检票员仔细地打量他之 后说：“真有意思，我看不出您还是一个孩子哩！”　马克·吐温回答：“现在我已经不是孩子了，不过，我买车票 的时候还是孩子。”　马克·吐温喜欢躺在床上读书或写作。　一天早晨，一 个新闻记者来采访他。　马克·吐温叫太太把这个人请到他的 卧室里来。　太太反对说：“难道你不应当起来吗？你自己躺 在床上，而让人家站着，那像什么话呢？”　马克·吐温想了一会儿，然后说：“我没有想到这一点，那你最好叫佣人再铺一张床吧！”　马克·吐温有一次到某地旅店投宿，别人事前告知他此 地蚊子特别厉害。　他在服务台登记房间时，一只蚊子正好飞 来。　马克·吐温对服务员说：“早听说贵地蚊子十分聪明，果 如其然，它竟会预先来看我登记的房间号码，以便晚上对号光临，饱餐一顿。”　服务员听后不禁大笑。　结果那一夜马克·吐温睡得很好， 因为服务员也记住了房间号码，提前进房做好灭蚊防蚊的工 作。　一次偶然的机会，马克·吐温与雄辩家琼西·M·得彪 应邀参加同一晚宴。　席上演讲开始了，马克·吐温滔滔不绝， 情感丰富他讲了20分钟，赢得了一片热烈的掌声。　然后轮到 得彪演讲。　得彪站起来，面有难色地说：“诸位，实在抱歉， 会前马克·吐温先生约我互换演讲稿，所以诸位刚才听到的　是我的演讲，衷心感谢诸位认真的倾听及热情的捧场。然而， 不知何故，我找不到马克·吐温先生的讲稿，因此我无法 替他讲了。请诸位原谅我坐下。”　1900年，马克·吐温写了一篇讥讽的新年贺 词。用寥寥数语把刚刚进入帝国主义阶段的资本主义列强在 世界各地，其中包括在中国的侵略扩张的丑恶面目淋漓尽致 地揭露了出来。　全文如下： “19世纪给20世纪的贺词：我给你带来这个名为基督教 世界的高贵妇人，她邋遢、龌龊、 ，刚从胶州、满洲里、 甫非和菲律宾劫掠而归。她心坏卑鄙，身藏赃物，满嘴假仁 假义。给她肥皂和毛巾吧，镜子可得收起来。”　法国名人波盖取笑美国人历史太短，说：“美国人没事的 时候，往往喜欢怀念祖宗，可是一想到祖父一代，就不能不 打住了。”　马克·吐温回敬说：“法国人没事的时候，总是想弄清他 们的父亲是谁，可是很难弄清楚。”　马克·吐温常常向人说起他小时候的一段伤心往事。　据说，马克·吐温出生时是双胞胎，他和他的双胞胎兄 弟两人长得一模一样，连他们的母亲也分辨不出来。　有一天， 保姆为他们洗澡时，其中一个不小心跌入浴缸淹死了，没有 人知道淹死的究竟是双胞胎中的哪一个。　“最叫人伤心的就在这里。”马克·吐温说，“每个人 都以为我是那个活下来的人，其实我不是。活下来的是我弟　弟。那个淹死的人是我。”　当马克·吐温还是一个不大知名的作家时，有人把他介 绍给格兰特将军。　两人握过手后，马克·吐温想不出一句可讲的话，而格 兰特也保持平日的那种缄默态度。　最后还是马克·吐温结结巴巴地说了一句：“将军，我感 到很尴尬，你呢？”　曾有一位专门喜欢在细节上吹毛求疵的批评家指责马克·吐 温说谎。　马克·吐温回答说： “假如你自己不会说谎，没有说谎的本领，对谎话是怎样　说的一点知识都没有，你是怎样判断我是说谎呢？只有在这 方面经验丰富的人，才有权这样明目张胆地武断指责。”　马克·吐温的一位朋友读了马克·吐温的许多短篇小说 之后，便动笔写起短篇小说来了。　他写呀写，总是没能发表。　最后，终于奇迹出现，他有一篇小说发表了。　喜悦的朋友忙将此事告诉马克·吐温，他得意洋洋地说： “小说也并不十分难写。”　马克·吐温环顾了一下四周，凑到那位朋友耳边说：“可 能你已经到了顶峰！”　有一次，别人问马克·吐温，是否记得他第一次是怎样 挣到钱的。　他想了很久，然后说：“对，我还记得很清楚，那是我在 小学读书的时候。那时，小学生们都不尊重自己的老师，而 且不爱惜学校的财产，经常弄坏桌椅。于是我们学校就订出 一条规则，凡是有哪个学生用铅笔或小刀弄坏了桌椅，那么　他就将在全校学生面前受到挨打处分，或者罚款伍元。　一天，我弄坏了我的书桌，只好对父亲说，我犯了校规， 要么罚伍元，要么在全校学生面前受到挨打处分。父亲说当着全校学生的面挨打真是太丢脸了，他答应给我五块 钱，让我交给学校。但是在给我这五块钱之前，他把我带到楼上，狠狠地揍了我一顿。　我想，我既然已经挨过一顿打，于是决定当着全校学生 的面再挨一顿，以便把那五块钱保存下来。我真的这样做了，　那就是我第一次挣到的钱。”　马克·吐温收到一位初学写作的青年的来信。　写信人对这样一个问题颇感兴趣：听说鱼骨里含有大量的磷质，而磷则补脑，那么要成为　一个举世闻名的大作家，就必须吃很多很多的鱼才行，不知道这种说法是否符合实际。　他问马克·吐温：“您是否吃了很多很多的鱼，吃的又是哪种鱼？”　马克·吐温回信说：“看来，你得吃一条鲸才成。”　一次，马克吐温应邀赴宴。　席间，他对一位贵妇说：“夫人，你太美丽了！”　不料那妇人却说：“先生，可是遗憾得很，我不能用同样的话回答你。”　头脑灵敏，言辞犀利的马克·吐温笑着回答：“那没关系，你也可以像我一样说假话。”　小明要爸爸讲故事，爸爸问：“要听长的还是短的？”“长的！”“有一只蜣螂飞起来，嗡嗡”爸爸嗡个没完么了，小明烦了，说：“听短的！”爸爸笑了，“有一只蜣螂飞起来，嗡嗡啪，撞在墙上死了！”　英国王室温莎公爵主持盛大宴会，招待印度当地居民的首领。宴会快要结束时，服务员端来了洗手盘，印度客人们看到那精巧的银制器皿里盛着亮晶晶的水，以为是喝的水，端起来就一饮而尽。作陪的英国贵族顿时目瞪口呆，不知如何是好。温莎公爵却有了最好的做法：自然而得体的喝洗手水