熬夜对身体不好，所以我建议你通宵。Staying up late is not good for your health, so I suggest you stay up all night整理了一些英语 说说大全 ，欢迎大家阅读！
1、我胖了才显得你瘦，免得我瘦的时候显得你丑。I am fat to look thin, so that I don't look ugly when I am thin
2、在街上看美女，目光高一点就是欣赏，目光低一点就是流氓。Looking at beauties in the street, the higher one is appreciation, and the lower one is rogue
3、如果你主动一点，我们不光会有故事，还会有孩子。If you take the initiative, we will not only have stories, but also children
4、这个世间只有圆滑，没有圆满的。This world only smooth, not perfect
5、我喜欢交朋友，但不喜欢供祖宗。I like to make friends, but I don't like to offer sacrifices to my ancestors
6、黑夜给了我一双黑色的眼睛，可我却用它来翻白眼。The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I used it to turn white eyes
7、即使失败99次，我也要继续下去，最起码凑个整，免得强迫症又犯了Even if I fail 99 times, I will continue, at least to make a whole, so as not to make another obsessive-compulsive disorder!
8、我卖的了梦，装得了酷，我是超级无敌美少女。I sell the dream, pretend to be cool, I am a super invincible beauty girl
9、幸好追你的时候你重，跑不动。Fortunately, you are heavy and can't run when chasing you
10、谈一次恋爱，少一个朋友。A love, less friends 11、早起的鸟儿有早饭吃，晚起的鸟儿有晚饭吃。The early bird has breakfast, the late bird has supper
12、你那么甜，不适合风吹日晒，适合躺在我怀里。You are so sweet, not suitable for the wind and sun, suitable for lying in my arms
13、我是水神，我为自己带盐！I am the water god, I bring salt for myself!
14、自从放了暑假，我就把早餐给戒了。Since the summer vacation, I've given up breakfast
15、当初说好的不让我受一点委屈，果然不止一点点。I was not wronged by what I said at the beginning, and it was indeed more than a little
16、减肥这种事从来不会船到桥头自然直，你这体重，没到桥头船就沉了。This kind of thing will never go straight from bridge to bridge Your weight will sink before bridge
17、我真是个花心的人，暑假刚走了我就想着寒假。I'm really a flowery person I think of winter vacation just after the summer vacation
18、听君一席话，省我十本书。Listen to your words, save me ten books
19、衣柜衣服千千万，只有新的最好看。There are thousands of clothes in the wardrobe, only the new ones are the best to see
20、你是最好的，如果真有人比你好，我就装作没看见。You are the best If someone is better than you, I pretend I haven't seen it
21、孔子不能解决的问题，老子帮你解决。I will help you solve the problems that Confucius can't solve
22、车到山前必有路，有路我也刹不住。There must be a way to get to the front of the mountain I can't stop if there is a way
23、我们说好不分离，要一直一直在一起。We agreed not to separate, to always be together
24、别和我谈恋爱，虚伪，有本事咱俩结婚。Don't fall in love with me Hypocrisy We can get married
25、从来都不用化妆品，我保持年轻的秘诀就是，谎报年龄。I never use cosmetics The secret to keep young is to lie about my age
26、每当我找到成功的钥匙，就有人偷偷把锁给换了。Whenever I find the key to success, someone stealthily changes the lock 27、愿你们都拥有人人羡慕的爱情，而我有钱就好。I wish you all have the love that everyone envies, and I have money
28、大姨妈是吐血鬼，卫生巾是吸血鬼。Big aunt is a spitting blood ghost, sanitary napkin is a vampire
29、怎么把脑子的钱转到银行卡里，在线等，急！How to transfer the money of brain to bank card, online, etc, urgent!
30、前面一只虫飞到我的数学题旁边，看了几眼题目死了。A bug in front of me flew to my math problem and saw the problem dead
31、想和你喝酒是假，想醉你怀里是真。Want to drink with you is false, want to drunk your arms is true
32、待我日后嫁得良人，定谢你当年不娶之恩。I will thank you for not marrying when I am married
33、这世间，真心本就稀缺，更该俭省。In this world, sincerity is scarce, even more frugal
34、青春就是疯狂的奔跑，然后华丽的跌倒。Youth is crazy running, then gorgeous fall
35、没有人不会累，只是每个人宣泄的方式不同，比如我：懒得说。No one is not tired, but everyone has different ways of venting, such as me: lazy to say
以上就是带给大家欣赏的英语 说说大全 ，喜欢记得收藏！
1、至少，听TaylorSwift的歌提高英语水平，是不可能的。
2、Whilemakingdeepexcavationswefoundsomequaintbronzejewelry(56letters)
3、Andthecloudbringsdownafreshshower
4、可根据自己的英语程度跳读
5、NowEve,we’rehere,we’vewon
6、你胖了真好这样我喜欢你的地方又多了一圈。
7、这句话不是说拿黄油把谁涂得全身都是，听起来就很恶心好吗？睡觉被子里还都是黄油味
8、Anagram｜易位构词
9、此外这个APP是和朗易思听一家的，在朗易思听听到的生词可以直接添加到里面背。
10、ErosSidney,myendissore
11、Aquartjarofoilmixedwithzincoxidemakesaverybrightpaint(53letters)
12、有研究表明，即使在炎热的环境中，黄瓜也可以将它的内部温度维持在低于外界11℃的水平。所以后来就衍生成用来形容一个人非常冷静沉着的一个状态。
13、比较污的英文句子"污"是假污，主角和配角都没有真的干坏事
14、有你，我们才会变得更好
15、学中文的时候难道是把每个偏旁部首念一遍？
16、对每一种考试，我会给出复习的关键和我用过的主要的资料。无名之辈没人找我打广告。
17、金钱刺激。说起来可以加个背单词的群，入群需要付费，但每天坚持打卡全额退还。这样就能逼迫自己天天背单词。
18、首先，《老友记》每一集的时间都是20分钟左右。对于有一定英语基础的人来说，1个片段的生词也就10几个，每天学习3个片段的话，也就30多个生词，所以，半个小时，学习3个片段，完全不会有负担，即使你的英语水平不那么好也可以跟得上。
19、“石室诗史”施氏，嗜狮，誓食十狮，氏时时适市视狮。十时，适十狮适市；是时，适施氏适市。氏视是十狮，恃矢势，使是十狮逝世，氏拾是十狮尸，适氏石室。石室湿，氏拭室。氏始试食十狮尸，食时，始识是十狮尸实十石狮。试释是事。
20、很早以前就有美好的名声,有学问有声望的前辈大多因为他的才能和度量而称赞他前后的县令都因为受赃贪污而被免官
21、不能磨磨唧唧，一直打逗号，打逗号，打逗号，打逗号，打逗号，打到底，说了五十件事了，只有一个句号。这是不行的。
22、“Whilesinginginthecompanyofothers,whentheMasterfoundasongattractive,healwaysaskedtohearitagainbeforejoiningin”乍看以为是说KTV包房，敢情是翻译《论语》段子：“子与人歌而善，必使反之，而后和之。”
23、好啦，这就是本期文章的内容，不知道大家“看饱”了没。希望大家都能够活学活用，学以致用，用完再用！
24、努力做主人喜欢的事。
25、老友记全套台词剧本限时惊喜团购
26、我是这么理解的，在那个地方，布鲁克林的威廉斯堡餐厅，根本不是什么高档场所，出入那里的人，也是身处底层的，或奇葩人士居多，你一旦以特别高的标准去服务他们，下次你就要吃苦头。
27、真心觉得不容易…咱汉语里的《千字文》里，每个汉字都只用一次，但也没有包括所有的汉字啊|д･)っ。1、至少，听TaylorSwift的歌提高英语水平，是不可能的。
2、Whilemakingdeepexcavationswefoundsomequaintbronzejewelry(56letters)
3、Andthecloudbringsdownafreshshower
4、可根据自己的英语程度跳读
5、NowEve,we’rehere,we’vewon
6、你胖了真好这样我喜欢你的地方又多了一圈。
7、这句话不是说拿黄油把谁涂得全身都是，听起来就很恶心好吗？睡觉被子里还都是黄油味
8、Anagram｜易位构词
9、此外这个APP是和朗易思听一家的，在朗易思听听到的生词可以直接添加到里面背。
10、ErosSidney,myendissore
11、Aquartjarofoilmixedwithzincoxidemakesaverybrightpaint(53letters)
12、有研究表明，即使在炎热的环境中，黄瓜也可以将它的内部温度维持在低于外界11℃的水平。所以后来就衍生成用来形容一个人非常冷静沉着的一个状态。
13、比较污的英文句子"污"是假污，主角和配角都没有真的干坏事
14、有你，我们才会变得更好
15、学中文的时候难道是把每个偏旁部首念一遍？
16、对每一种考试，我会给出复习的关键和我用过的主要的资料。无名之辈没人找我打广告。
17、金钱刺激。说起来可以加个背单词的群，入群需要付费，但每天坚持打卡全额退还。这样就能逼迫自己天天背单词。
18、首先，《老友记》每一集的时间都是20分钟左右。对于有一定英语基础的人来说，1个片段的生词也就10几个，每天学习3个片段的话，也就30多个生词，所以，半个小时，学习3个片段，完全不会有负担，即使你的英语水平不那么好也可以跟得上。
19、“石室诗史”施氏，嗜狮，誓食十狮，氏时时适市视狮。十时，适十狮适市；是时，适施氏适市。氏视是十狮，恃矢势，使是十狮逝世，氏拾是十狮尸，适氏石室。石室湿，氏拭室。氏始试食十狮尸，食时，始识是十狮尸实十石狮。试释是事。
20、很早以前就有美好的名声,有学问有声望的前辈大多因为他的才能和度量而称赞他前后的县令都因为受赃贪污而被免官
21、不能磨磨唧唧，一直打逗号，打逗号，打逗号，打逗号，打逗号，打到底，说了五十件事了，只有一个句号。这是不行的。
22、“Whilesinginginthecompanyofothers,whentheMasterfoundasongattractive,healwaysaskedtohearitagainbeforejoiningin”乍看以为是说KTV包房，敢情是翻译《论语》段子：“子与人歌而善，必使反之，而后和之。”
23、好啦，这就是本期文章的内容，不知道大家“看饱”了没。希望大家都能够活学活用，学以致用，用完再用！
24、努力做主人喜欢的事。
25、老友记全套台词剧本限时惊喜团购
26、我是这么理解的，在那个地方，布鲁克林的威廉斯堡餐厅，根本不是什么高档场所，出入那里的人，也是身处底层的，或奇葩人士居多，你一旦以特别高的标准去服务他们，下次你就要吃苦头。
27、真心觉得不容易…咱汉语里的《千字文》里，每个汉字都只用一次，但也没有包括所有的汉字啊|д･)っ。
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新浪首页 > 新浪教育 > 长喜欢乐英语 > 毕业了，该分手了
We Have to Say Goodbye
http://wwwsinacomcn 2005/06/27 15:09 长喜欢乐英语
We Have to Say Goodbye
No rose, no diamond ring, that’s the simple and romantic love stories in college The graduates have to face the approaching of June, a time to farewell their beloved When their future is confronted with love, which one is more important What will the lovers do in June
没有玫瑰的芬芳，没有钻戒的世俗，这就是大学恋情——纯情而唯美。毕业生不得不面临六月的来临，也就是向心爱的人道别的时刻。当前途与爱情一同遭遇未来，该如何取舍？六月里的恋人会怎么做呢？
Don’t cry, my baby
There are so many love stories in college If the lovers met each other by note passed, the story was called “note love”; if they knew each other in fast food restaurant, then “fast food love”; if they became lovers in a picnic, then “picnic love” Liu Bing got to know Xiao Yu through QQ chat, and they got the so-called “QQ love”
Their love story started at the end of 2nd Grade Liu failed again in CET4 test and felt very upset So he entered an Internet cafe near the school to kill time While he was roaming about on the net, a stranger asked him through QQ, “May I chat with you” Then he began chatting with him or her Liu poured his trouble out and the other side appeased him patiently and asked him not to be discouraged, for there was still chance After that, they promised to come to chat at 8 every day and it lasted for a week Liu felt very happy On the seventh day, the other side asked him, “Do you want to see me” Liu typed “Yes!” without any hesitation “Then you can turn your head back” And Liu saw a lovely girl, whose name is Xiao Yu
However, with the approaching graduation they also face a difficult choice Xiao Yu is a local girl and her home is in Wuhan While Liu Bing comes from Xi’an They are both the only child in their family Their parents aren’t against their being together, but both wish their kid being at home They quarreled about the orientation furiously and the focus of their conflict always was which city they would choose Xi’an or Wuhan They were up a gum tree and couldn’t come to terms
Finally, Liu and Xiao Yu went to the Internet cafe and they were still back to back this time When Liu typed out “Let’s break up”, Xiao Yu couldn’t restrain her tears any more
Still a long way to go
Chen Li has been unhappy recently With the coming of graduation, she’s become even more depressed She and her boyfriend Jia Hao don’t have a special story; they got to know each other in the library Both of them enjoy learning and staying in the library They would go to cinema or walk on the streets at weekends Three years have passed quietly They promised to take the postgraduate exam to Beijing at the 3rd grade Unfortunately, Chen Li failed because of 2 points margin in English
Jia Hao wanted Chen to go to Beijing with him and take exam there Considering the economic condition, Chen thought it would be better to stay on campus On the one hand, the living expense is lower here On the other hand, she is familiar to the surroundings and can set her heart at studies
At night, thinking that her lover would leave for Beijing, Chen Li’s tears fell down her cheeks silently, making her pillowslip wet all over Although Jia Hao encouraged her over and over again that she would succeed at the second try and they would reunion in Beijing, however, he said so at the last time Will their love still go on in case she fails
A new life for us
Different from those sorrowful lovers, Ye Qing is like a happy bird flying in and out of her dormitory She and her boyfriend were in the same class in high school Fortunately they both came to Beijing though not in the same university They’re not far from each other, although they can’t be very much in love every day like other love birds Ye Qing feels contented that they can spend weekends together Sometimes, Ye Qing would call her boyfriend and asked him to see her in half an hour and bring some snacks passingly
Her boyfriend majors in the pop Communication He has been employed by a well-known communicating corporation in Shenzhen Ye Qing hasn’t found a satisfying job, but they’ve planed that she also goes to Shenzhen to hunt a job As a major in Economic and Trade English, Ye thinks it not difficult in finding a job such as secretary or assistant As far as buying house and car, she told us secretly, “He promised that I needn’t consider that kind of things”
To the moment they have enough time to wile away Ye has decided it was time to make up for the past 4 years’ loss of romance Now they’ve been shopping around, going to movies and playing badminton every day Seeing her boyfriend being “tortured”, Ye felt as happy as a princess in fairy tales
Point of view
Hu Juan, graduate of 2002
My love came to the end with the coming of graduation Nobody could taste my sorrow at that time I felt I lost the man I loved most in the world Such is not the fact I worked, fell in love with another guy and then got married Looking back on my love in college, I found that we were just in the same camp on entertainment While my husband and I are living our lives
Liu Xiaoming, graduate of 2003
I’ve been married Of course, my wife was my girlfriend in the university We had been in love for 3 years Compared with other husband and wife, we feel it a superiority to own each other’s past We would talk about our university life and recall dribs and drabs Whenever we recollect together, we could feel each other’s heartbeat And the expression in our eyes would become very gentle The beautiful memory will always nourish our marriage
Li Rong, senior
It’s enough that each love starts with a beautiful beginning As for whether it will come to an end, I feel it unnecessary to think too much Love out of campus doesn’t always have a happy ending Therefore, when love comes, we should enjoy the pleasure of loving When love comes to an end, we could also taste its grief of parting Tears taste sweet as long as you love your life
Wang Qin, senior
I don’t have a boyfriend, but some boys are wooing me I feel they’re not my cup of tea, so I refused I have a wish that they could give me a hug before I leave by train when I graduate I admire those who are in love on campus and at the same time I felicitate myself on not choosing at random During the four years in university, as long as you live in earnest, you won’t regret, whether you own love or not, whether your love has future or not
毕业了，该分手了
宝贝，别哭
校园里上演着那么多的爱情故事。如果恋人通过纸条表白爱情，就被称为“白条之恋”；如果他们在快餐店里相识、相恋，就叫“快餐之恋”；如果是在野炊时相爱，当然就是“野炊之恋”了。刘冰是通过QQ聊天认识小雨的，也就是所谓的“QQ之恋”。
他们的故事开始于大二下半学期。刚开学，刘冰在四级考试中挂了，没有通过，他非常沮丧，就来到学校附近的网吧打发时间。正当他在网上神游时，突然QQ上有人问a他：“可以和你聊聊吗？”刘冰就和她聊了起来，其实他还不知道对方是男是女。刘冰将自己的苦恼一倾而出，对方就耐心地开导他，说别灰心，还有机会呢。此后，有一个星期，他们约定每天8点来聊天，刘冰觉得很开心。到了第7天，对方问刘冰：“想见面吗？”刘冰没有任何犹豫地打下一个字：“想！”对方说：“那你就回头吧！”于是，刘冰转身就看到了那个可爱的女孩，小雨。
然而，面对毕业，他们却不知道如何选择。小雨的家就在武汉本地，而刘冰来自于西安。作为家里的独生子女，双方父母不反对他们在一起，但都希望儿女能回到自己的身边。他们俩为了毕业后的去向问题吵翻了天，矛盾的焦点是“要留在哪个城市？”。选择西安，还是选择武汉，两人犯难了，而且谁都不肯让步。
最后，刘冰和小雨又去网吧上网聊天，依然是背对背。当刘冰打出“我们分手吧”几个字后，小雨的眼泪再也忍不住了。
路漫漫其修远兮
晨丽最近郁郁寡欢，看着毕业的日子一天天逼近，越来越无精打采。她和男朋友贾皓的故事没有什么特别的，就是在图书馆认识的。两个爱学习的人，最大的乐趣就是泡图书馆，然后在周末去看看**，逛逛街。三年下来，倒也平淡。大三时他们就约定一起考研到北京，然而晨丽却因英语2分之差落榜了。
贾皓鼓励晨丽和他一起去北京，然后在北京专职考研。然而考虑到两人的经济状况，晨丽还是觉得留在学校再考比较合适，一方面这里的生活费用相对较低，再者自己也熟悉这里的环境，能安心学习。
夜里想着自己心爱的人就要远赴北京了，晨丽的眼泪就无声无息地流出来了，枕巾被打湿了一大片。尽管贾皓一再鼓励她，说她第二次一定会考上的，那时他们就会在北京相聚。可是，第一次考研时贾皓就是这么鼓励她的，万一她第二次还没考上，那么他们的爱情会怎么样呢？
新生活在向我们招手
和那些悲伤的恋人不同，叶晴快乐地像只小鸟，整天从宿舍飞进飞出。她和男友是高中同学，虽然高考没考到同一所学校，但幸运的是都考到了北京，而且两个学校也相距不远。虽然不能像别的恋人一样天天卿卿我我，但能在一起快乐地度过周末，对叶晴来说已经很满足了。有时候，实在忍不住，叶晴就给男友打电话，让他半小时内立即赶到，并且带点零食过来。
男友学的是炙手可热的通讯工程，已经被深圳一家有名的通讯企业录取。虽然叶晴还没有找到工作，但他们已经计划好了，就是叶晴也去深圳，然后在深圳找工作。由于学的是经贸英语，叶晴相信找个秘书、助理之类的工作还是没有问题。至于以后买房子、买车子，她偷偷告诉我们：“他已经答应不用我考虑了！”
正好毕业前这一段时间有大把的时间可以挥霍，叶晴决定把过去4年的浪漫损失弥补回来，天天拉着男友逛商场、看**、打羽毛球，看着男友被折磨的样子，叶晴幸福得像传说中的公主。
◆观点
扈娟 02届毕业生
我的爱情随着毕业而终结，当时的感伤没有人能体会，感觉天底下最爱的人就这样失去了。事实上不是这样的，我工作了，然后恋爱、结婚。现在回过头来审读大学时代的感情，发现那时的我与他，不过是“玩乐”上的志同道合；而与现在的先生，则是生活上的志同道合。
刘小明 03届毕业生
我已经结婚了，老婆当然是大学热恋三年的女友了。我觉得我们比起其他夫妻最大的优势就是拥有对方的过去，隔段时间我们不由自主就会去谈论大学时光，回忆那时的点点滴滴。每当此时，都能感应到对方的心跳，彼此注视的眼神也变得格外柔软。美好的回忆，将滋养我们以后的婚姻之花。
李蓉 大四学生
每一段恋情都以美好开端，这就够了。至于有没有结果，我觉得没必要想那么多。社会上的爱情，也不一定因为美好就有结果啊。所以，爱情来了，我们就享受爱的欢乐；爱情走了，我们就体验爱的离愁。只要热爱生活，泪水也是甜的。
王琴 大四学生
我没有男朋友，不过追求我的男生倒有几个，我觉得他们不适合我，所以一直拒绝着。我有一个奢望，希望毕业时上车的那一刻，能得到他们的一个拥抱。我羡慕那些拥有校园爱情的同学，也为我自己的宁缺勿滥喝彩。大学四年，用心去过了，就无怨无悔，不论有没有爱情，不论爱情有没有未来。
心酸的浪漫
1不管你曾经多么内向，你一定要在全班同学面前，认认真真地讲一次话，或者唱一支歌，即使你和开学时一样，再介绍一回你自己。
2拜访一回你最尊敬的老师，在毕业时，认真地记住一条关于人生的经验。
3在一个太阳还没有升起来的早晨，去操场跑一次步，和那些生猛的大一新生们比较一下懒觉睡多了后体力上的差距。
4在宿舍里不要有类似于写“某某到此一游”的行为。
5下定决心，班集体的活动这次一定不会借故溜走——如果还有的话。
6很认真地穿一次西装(套装)，看看自己和4年前，变化的地方在哪里？
7花一个下午的时间，认真地整理一次自己的书箱，哪些是可以留的，哪些是不要了的。在某本书里，是不是看见了一张陌生已久的纸条，或者是某人的名字。
8男生整理衣柜的时候，记得把你的球衣送给你的学弟，CD送给学妹，游戏碟记得自己带走。
9记得留下每一个你觉得应该是朋友的****，然后把你新单位的电话给他们。
10终于要走了，再剪一次发，让自己崭崭新新地离开，然后，崭崭新新地开始。
11记得归还你的证件，陪伴了你4年的桌子、椅子和凳子——我们不提倡你宁愿罚钱也要留下你的图书证、学生证、医疗证、食堂饭卡……但我们对此表示理解。
12论文答辩可能是你人生当中最后一次的课堂作业了，请你认真地书写每一个字。
13和你一起睡了4年的床，一定要记得和它合一张影。
14尽可能地送走每一个你能送的同学，你要明白，他们是你4年的同学，他们中的某人，也许是你最后一次能见到了。(编译：陈秀丽)
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英语幽默笑话（精选15篇）
在繁忙的学习工作中，适时读一些幽默笑话，放松自己，劳逸结合十分重要。下面是我为你整理的几则英语幽默精彩段子，让你笑到停不下来!!!
英语幽默笑话 篇1
一、我是单身汉
Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurtA beautiful young nurse asked him to fill formsJack finished them and gave them back"Anything else" The nurse asked"Yes,"Jack thinks for a while and said,"I'm a bachelor"
杰克骑车摔伤,得住院治疗一位年轻美貌的护士拿着表格让填仞杰克填好递上表格"还有什么漏填的"护士问"有!"杰克想了想说,"我是个单身汉"
二、死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭
Wife:You seeAccording to te statistics on the paper 80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho
Husband:It's okeyTo my investigation,all Thespeopleeat meals
妻子：你看这张报纸,据统计,死于肝癌的人80%都是喝酒的
丈夫：那有什么据我调查,死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭的
三、位置上的冰激凌
"Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine"
"YoursCan you prove it"
"Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it"
"请原谅,你占了我的位置"
"你的位置你能征明这点吗"
"能,我在位置上放了杯 冰激凌"
四、别无选择
One day,Eve asked Adam,"Doyou really love me"
Adam said helplessly,"Do I have any other choice"
一天,夏娃问亚当："你当真爱我吗"
亚当无可奈何地回答："我还有的选择吗"
五 、 两个男孩
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room
The teacher says,"Why are you arguing"
One boy answers,"We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie"
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher,"When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was"
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher
当老师走进教室时,两个男孩在争论
老师是说：你们在争论什么
一个男孩回答：‘我们捡到一张10块,我们决定把它给一个说最大的谎的人’
‘你们应该觉得羞耻’老师说,‘当我像你们那么大的时候,我连什么是说谎都不知道’
两个男孩把钱给了那个老师
六、两只鸟
Teacher:Here are two birds,one is a swallow,the other is sparrowNow who can tell us which is which
Student:I cannot point out but I know the answer
Teacher:Please tell us
Student:The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow
老师：这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗
学生：我指不出,但我知道答案
老师：请说说看
学生：燕子旁边的`就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子
七、鱼网
"Can you tell me what fish net is made,Ann"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings" replied the little girl
"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗," 老师发问道
"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了" 小女孩回答道
八、他赢了
Tommy:How is your little brother,JohnnyJohnny:He is ill in bedHe hurt himself
Tommy:That's too badHow did that happen
Johnny:We played who could lean furthest out of the window,and he won
汤姆：约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗
约翰尼：他害病卧床了他受了伤
汤姆：真糟糕,怎么回事儿
约翰尼：我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了
选我吧
英语幽默笑话 篇2心不在焉的老师
An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professorHow are you “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with meI've been limping for the last half hour”
有一天，人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走，他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里，另一只脚踩在人行道上。 一个碰见他的学生说： “晚安，老师。您怎么了” “啊，”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的，可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。”
英语幽默笑话 篇3谁的儿子最伟大
The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'" The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'"
"My son is a cardinal" continued the next one "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'
" The fourth mother thought for a moment "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"
四位牧师的母亲聚到一起谈论她们的儿子。“我的儿子是个教士，”第一位母亲自豪地说道，“他进入房间，人们都说，‘您好，阁下’。”
第二为母亲说：“我的儿子是位主教。他进入房间，人们都称，‘您好，大人’。” “我的儿子是位红衣主教，”第三位母亲接着说，“他走进房间，人们都说，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”
第四位母亲略思片刻。“我的儿子身高六英尺十，体重三百磅，”她说，“他要是走入房间，人们都说‘哦，我的上帝’!”
英语幽默笑话 篇4为什么六怕七呢
Q: Why was six scared of seven
A: Because seven "ate" nine
问题：为什么六怕七呢
回答：因为七连九都能吃掉呢!
(笑点：本应该是seven eight nine, 但是利用了发音相同，将eight用ate(吃)替换掉了。)
英语幽默笑话 篇6用“beans(豆子)”造句
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence "My father grows beans," said one girl "My mother cooks beans," said a boy A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans"
一名老师让学生们利用单词“beans(豆子)”造句，其中一个女孩说“我爸爸种豆子”。另外一个同学说“我妈妈炒豆子”。第三名学生说“我们是人类”。
(笑点：老师让用的单词是beans，豆子的意思，结果，第三个学生将beings 和 beans 搞混了，因为发音相同。)
英语幽默笑话 篇7两块蛋糕
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please
Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!
汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗
妈妈：当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧!
英语幽默笑话 篇8一分一块钱 A dollar per point
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point"
The next class the professor handed the tests back out This student got back his test and $64 change
一天，教授正在给学生们监考。他发下试卷，然后回到讲台前等待。
考试结束了，学生们纷纷交回试卷。教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票，还有一张纸条写着：“一分一块钱。”
第二堂课，教授把试卷都发回学生们手中。其中一个学生不但得到了试卷还得到64块钱的找零。
英语幽默笑话 篇9Eating out
外出就餐
When the bill arrives ,Mark, Chris ,Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20,even though it's only for $3250 None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back When the women get their bill , out come the pocket calculators
买单的时候，阿麦，阿克、阿力和阿汤每人都甩出20块钱，虽然其实一共只吃了32块50没人有更小的票子了，也没人愿意承认他们其实想把票子破开。女人买单时，每人掏出个计算器。
英语幽默笑话 篇10卷烟厂都失火
Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day‘I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday ’‘Don't worry ,dear All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later ’He said with a smile
玛丽非常讨厌丈夫吸烟，一天她对丈夫抱怨说：“我希望有一天所有卷烟厂都失火。”“不用担心，亲爱的，所有的烟卷迟早都会点着的。”他笑着说。
英语幽默笑话 篇11成年人的抉择
The year before my son turned 18, he constantly pleaded to be allowed to a have tattoo, but I refused to sign permission for oneHe argued that soon he would be a man and he should be able to make adult decisions Sure enough,a few days after his 18th birthday,he come home with a tattoo Although l was not happy about this, I was curious to see what symbol of masculin', he had chosen There, on his shoulder,was a two inch image of Mickey Mouse
我儿子十八岁前的那一年，常常向我提出准许他文身。但我拒绝允许他这么做。他争辩说他不久就要成为男子汉了，并说他应该能够做出成年人的抉择了。果然，十八岁生日的几天后，他文了身，回到家里。尽管我对此感到不高兴，但出于好奇，我想看看他选择了什么雄性象征物。原来他在肩上文了一个两英寸长的米老鼠像。
英语幽默笑话 篇12和上帝对话
He says: "God,what is a million dollars to you"and God says: "A penny,then the man says: "God,what is a million years to you”and God says: ¨a second", then the man says: “God,can I have a penny "and God says:"In a second"
他问：“主啊，一百万美元对你意味着多少”上帝回答：¨一便士。” 男子又问：“那一百万年呢，”上帝说：“一秒钟。”最后男子请求道：”上帝，我能得到一便士吗“上帝回答：“过一秒钟。”
英语幽默笑话 篇13可以借用一下吗
Are you using your mower this afternoon
今天下午你准备用割草机吗
Mr Johnson:Are you using your mower this afternoon
约翰逊先生：今天下午你准备用割草机吗
Mr SmithYes
史密斯先生：是的。
Mr Johnson: Fine Then can I borrow your tennis racket, since you won't be needing it
约翰逊先生：太好了。既然您不用网球拍，那我可以借用一下吗
英语幽默笑话 篇14妈妈不见了
A little girl was lost, so she went up to a policeman and said, "l've lost my moml" The cop said,"What's she like" The little girl replied,"Shopping and gossiping!”
有一个小女孩走丢了，于是她走到一个警察跟前说：“我妈妈不见了!”这个警察说：“她什么样子”小女孩回答：“买东西和说闲话!”
英语幽默笑话 篇15Get the kid
A bit of advice for those about to retire lf you are only 65,never move to ansrUrement community Everybody else is in their 71s, 80s,or 90s So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded,they yell,"Get the kid
这里想对将要退休的人提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，千万别进退休社区。因为那里的人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们会喊，“让小的干吧。
;1儿童英语幽默笑话段子
他什么都没听到
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home My husband was in all morning He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel "Oh, good," she gushed "We've been waiting for this for ages" "What is it" I asked "My husband's new hearing aid"
我在邮局上班，对于顾客们的各种情绪早已习以为常了。所以，有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的工作台时，我还是非常平静地问她，“有什么问题吗”“我早上上街了，”女顾客说，“我回到家的时候，我看到一个卡片，卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹，但没人在家。可是我的丈夫整个早上都在家啊。他说他什么都没听到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹给了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顾客喜形于色。“我们等这东西都等多少年了!”“是什么好东西”我问。“我丈夫的新助听器”。
2儿童英语幽默笑话段子
小心有狗
As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of" he asked the owner "Yep, that's him," came the reply The stranger couldn't help but be amused "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me Why in the world would you post that sign" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"
一名陌生人走进一家乡间小商店，看到玻璃门上帖着的一个告示牌上写着，“危险! 小心有狗!” 进去后，他看到一条样子一点都不凶的老狗趴在收款机旁边的地板上睡觉。 “这就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊” 陌生人问店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。 听到这个回答， 陌生人觉得很好笑。“我觉得那条狗一点都不可怕。 你帖那个告示做什么” “因为，” 店主解释说，“在我帖告示之前， 大伙老被他绊倒。”
3儿童英语幽默笑话段子
为什么六怕七呢
Q: Why was six scared of seven
A: Because seven "ate" nine
问题：为什么六怕七呢
回答：因为七连九都能吃掉呢!
(笑点：本应该是seven eight nine, 但是利用了发音相同，将eight用ate(吃)替换掉了。)
用“beans(豆子)”造句
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence "My father grows beans," said one girl "My mother cooks beans," said a boy A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans"
一名老师让学生们利用单词“beans(豆子)”造句，其中一个女孩说“我爸爸种豆子”。另外一个同学说“我妈妈炒豆子”。第三名学生说“我们是人类”。
(笑点：老师让用的单词是beans，豆子的意思，结果，第三个学生将beings 和 beans 搞混了，因为发音相同。)
两块蛋糕
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please
Mom: Certainly take this piece and cut it two!
汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗
妈妈：当然可以，拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧!
4儿童英语幽默笑话段子
One
小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet
老师说：Go ahead
小明就坐了下来。
过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet
老师说：Go ahead
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗怎么不去
小明说：你没听老师说“去你个头”啊!
Two
某日，小明学习了how to spell it这一句型。回家后,妈妈看见他手上的玩具表，问道：
妈妈：What’s on your hand
小明：Watch
妈妈：How to spell that
小明：T-H-A-T~
Three
某日，老师教小涛，英语中，姓氏可以放在名字后面。小明放学后碰到一个外国人，于是他勇敢地上去与外国人对话。
小明：How are you My name is HongTao Liu
外国人：Oh, my god! 我还是方片七呢!
Four
一日，小明心情有很好，于是他夸赞英语老师漂亮。
小明：Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful
老师听后心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。
小明心想：老师的意思就是“Where Where"，天哪，还有这样的人，非要追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马拍到底：
"Everywhere, everywhere"
老师：……
Five
小明刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry
老外应道：I am sorry too
小明听后又道：I am sorry three
老外不解，问：What are you sorry for
小明无奈，道：I am sorry five
Six
一日，小明上课打磕睡，于是英语老师向小明提问。
老师：小明，How are you是什么意思
小明心想：how是怎么，you 是你，于是回答“怎么是你”
老师很生气，又问：“那How old are you 是什么意思”
小明心想：old是老的，于是回答怎么老是你”
5儿童英语幽默笑话段子
One day a little white rabbit went to a bakery and asked, "Have you got 100 buns"
一天有只小白兔来到面包店问：“请问你们有100个小面包吗”
The shopkeeper answered, "Sorry, we don't have that many"
老板回答：“抱歉我们没有那么多。”
"Oh, that's a pity!" said the rabbit and left, disappointed
“哦，太遗憾了。”小白兔失望地离开了。
The second day the little white rabbit went to the bakery again and asked, "Have you got 100 buns"
第二天小白兔又来到那个面包店问：“请问你们有100个小面包吗”
The shopkeeper again answered, "Sorry, we don't have that many"
老板仍回答：“抱歉我们没有那么多。”
"Oh, it's a pity," said the rabbit, and again left, disappointed
“哦，太遗憾了。”小白兔又失望地离开了。
The third day the little white rabbit went again to the bakery and asked, "Have you got 100 buns"
第三天小白兔依然来到那家面包店，问：“请问你们有100个小面包吗”
"Oh, yes we have 100 buns today!" the shopkeeper answered gladly
“啊是的，今天我们有100个小面包啦!”老板高兴地回答。
"That's great, I'll buy two, thank you!"
“那太好啦!我买2个，谢谢!”
The shopkeeper stood silently
老板无语了……
Every mountain has a peak Every valley has its low point Life has its ups
and downs, its peaks and its valleys No one is up all the time, nor are
they down all the time Problems do end They are all resolved in time
每一座山都有巅峰，每一个峡谷都有谷底。人生也有跌宕起伏，有高潮有低谷。没有人有
人一生都平步青云，也没有人有人一生都时乖命蹇。难题总有了结的一天。随着时间的推
移，一切难题都会迎刃而解。
写作经典句型及有用的连接词（保你作文得高分） Many people insist that 很多人坚持认为 With the development of science and technology, more and more people believe that 随着科技的发展,越来越多的人认为 A lot of people seem to think that 很多人似乎认为 引出不同观点: People's views on vary from person to person Some hold that However, others believe that 人们对的观点因人而异有些人认为然而其他人却认为．．． People may have different opinions on 人们对可能会有不同的见解 Attitudes towards (drugs) vary from person to person 人们对待吸毒的态度因人而异 There are different opinions among people as to 关于 人们的观点大不相同 Different people hold different attitudes toward (failure) 对(失败)人们的态度各不相同 结尾部分 Taking all these factors into consideration, we naturally come to the conclusion that 把所有这些因素加以考虑,我们自然会得出结论 Taking into account all these factors, we may reasonably come to the conclusion that 考虑所有这些因素,我们可能会得出合理的结论 Hence/Therefore, we'd better come to the conclusion that 因此,我们最好得出这样的结论 There is no doubt that (job-hopping) has its drawbacks as well as merits 毫无疑问,跳槽有优点也有缺点 All in all, we cannot live without But at the same time we must try to find out new ways to cope with the problems that would arise 总之,我们没有是无法生活的但同时,我们必须寻求新的解决办法来对付可能出现的新问题 提出建议: It is high time that we put an end to the (trend) 该是我们停止这一趋势的时候了 It is time to take the advice of and to put special emphasis on the improvement of 该是采纳的建议,并对的进展给予特殊重视的时候了 There is no doubt that enough concern must be paid to the problem of 毫无疑问,对问题应予以足够的重视 Obviously, If we want to do something , it is essential that 显然,如果我们想做某事,很重要的是 Only in this way can we 只有这样,我们才能 It must be realized that 我们必须意识到 预示后果: Obviously, if we don't control the problem, the chances are that will lead us in danger 很明显,如果我们不能控制这一问题,很有可能我们会陷入危险 No doubt, unless we take effective measures, it is very likely that 毫无疑问,除非我们采取有效措施,很可能会 It is urgent that immediate measures should be taken to stop the situation 很紧迫的是,应立即采取措施阻止这一事态的发展 论证部分 From my point of view, it is more reasonable to support the first opinion rather than the second 在我看来,支持第一种观点比支持第二种观点更有道理 I cannot entirely agree with the idea that 我无法完全同意这一观点 Personally, I am standing on the side of 就个人而言,我站在的一边 I sincerely believe that 我真诚地相信 In my opinion, it is more advisable to do than to do 在我个人看来,做比做更明智 Finally, to speak frankly, there is also a more practical reason why 坦诚地说，最后，还有一个较为实际的原因，。 给出原因: This phenomenon exists for a number of reasons First, Second, Third, 这一现象的存在是有许多原因的首先, 第二, 第三, Why did For one thing For another Perhaps the primary reason is 为什么会 一个原因是 令一个原因是或许其主要原因是 I quite agree with the statement that the reasons are chiefly as follows 我十分赞同这一论述,即,其主要原因如下: 列出解决办法: Here are some suggestions for handling 这是如何处理某事的一些建议 The best way to solve the troubles is 解决这些麻烦的最好办法是 People have figured out many ways to solve this problem 人们已找出许多办法来解决这个问题 批判错误观点和做法: As far as something is concerned, 就某事而言, It was obvious that 很显然, It may be true that, but it doesn't mean that 可能是对的,但这并不意味着 It is natural to believe that , but we shouldn't ignore that 认为是很自然的,但我们不应忽视 There is no evidence to suggest that 没有证据表明
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5am for an early morning business flight to Chicago Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece ot paper, " Please wake me at 5am"
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9am, and that he had missed his flight Furious, he was about ot go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed, it said, "It is 5am, wake up!"
Q: Why are mushrooms invited to parties
A: Because they are such fun-gi
Q: What was the name of the hair salon next to the graveyard
A: "Curl Up and Dye"
It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils The florist's son handed her a gift She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is Some flowers" "That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is A box of sweets" "That's right, but how did you know" asked the girl "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue "Is it wine" she asked "No," the boy replied, with some excitement The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue "Is it champagne" she asked "No," the boy replied, with more excitement The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
One morning a mother was trying to wake up her son "Wake up now! It's time to go to school" "I don't want to go to school," the son replied His mother said, "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school" "Okay One, all the children hate me Two, all the teachers hate me" "Not good enough," the mother replied "Fine," the son said "Then you give me two good reasons why I SHOULD go to school" "One, you're 50 years old Two, you're the principal of the school"
A young student reported for a final examination that consisted of only true/false questions The student took a seat in the hall, stared at the test for five minutes, removed a coin from his pocket and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet Heads meant true, tails meant false The young student finished the exam in 30 minutes, while the rest of the class was sweating it out Suddenly, during the last few minutes, the young student began desperately throwing the coin and sweating profusely The moderator, alarmed, approached the student and asked what was going on "Well, I finished the exam in half an hour," said the student, "but I thought I ought to recheck my answers"
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