生气或吵架时，哪些英文话不该脱口而出？

当一个人正在气头上时，他/她可能会口不择言，脱口而出一些伤人的话。在英文里，有些句型在吵架时也带有指责意味，反而可能更加恶化两人的关系。

Go Natural English的讲师Gabby Wallace提出了两个在吵架时不应该使用的句型，与两个可以用来取代的句型。她希望任何人在吵架时都能试着保持理智，并用平和的语气、不过度情绪化的说词来沟通喔！

1 Two phrases to avoid 两个该避免的句型

(1) You always / never Eg You have always been so selfish 你总是这么自私。 eg You never care about me! 你从不在乎我！

(2) If you really…, you will… eg If you really love me, you will buy the purse for me 如果你真的爱我，你就会买那只皮包给我。

2 Two suggestions to say instead 两个建议的句型

(1) I’m upset that…… eg I’m upset that we didn’t meet the deadline 我对于我们没有在时限内完成感到沮丧。 eg I’m upset that you didn’t take care of the dirty dishes 我对于你没有洗完这些碗盘感到不高兴。

(2) I feel like…… eg I feel like we should work harder 我觉得我们应该更努力。

always, anger, angry, feel like, fight, never, upset, 吵架 英文, 英文 吵架

看看是不是这段~~嘿

Darcy: Miss Elizabeth I have struggled in vain and can bear it no longer These past months have been a torment I came to Rosings only to see you I have fought against judgement, my family's expectation,the inferiority of your birth, my rank I will put them aside and ask you to end my agony

Elizabeth: I don't understand

Darcy: I love youMost ardently Please do me the honour of accepting my hand

Elizabeth: Sir, I appreciate the struggle you have been through, and I am very sorry to have caused you pain It was unconsciously done

Darcy: Is this your reply

Elizabeth: Yes, sir

Darcy: Are you laughing at me

Elizabeth: No

Darcy: Are you rejecting me

Elizabeth: I'm sure the feelings which hindered your regard will help you overcome it

Darcy: Might I ask why with so little civility I am thus repulsed

Elizabeth: I might enquire why you told me you liked me against your better judgement If I was uncivil, then that is some excuse But you know I have other reasons

Darcy: What reasons

Elizabeth: Do you think anything might tempt me to accept the man who has ruined the happiness of a most beloved sister Do you deny that you separated a young couple who loved each other, exposing your friend to censure for caprice and my sister to derision for disappointed hopes, involving them both in acute misery

Darcy: I do not deny it

Elizabeth: How could you do it

Darcy: I believed your sister indifferent to him I realised his attachment was deeper than hers

Elizabeth: She's shy!

Darcy: Bingley was persuaded she didn't feel strongly

Elizabeth: You suggested it

Darcy: For his own good

Elizabeth: My sister hardly shows her true feelings to me I suppose his fortune had some bearing

Darcy: I wouldn't do your sister the dishonour It was suggested

Elizabeth: What was

Darcy: It was clear an advantageous marriage

Elizabeth: Did my sister give that impression

Darcy: No! No There was, however, your family

Elizabeth: Our want of connection

Darcy: No, it was more than that

Elizabeth: How, sir

Darcy: The lack of propriety shown by your mother, younger sisters and your father Forgive me You and your sister I must exclude from this

Elizabeth: And what about Mr Wickham

Darcy: Mr Wickham

Elizabeth: What excuse can you give for your behaviour

Darcy: You take an eager interest

Elizabeth: He told me of his misfortunes

Darcy: Oh, they have been great

Elizabeth: You ruin his chances yet treat him with sarcasm

Darcy: So this is your opinion of me Thank you Perhaps these offences might have been overlooked had not your pride been hurt

by my scruples about our relationship I am to rejoice in the inferiority of your circumstances

Elizabeth: And those are the words of a gentleman Your arrogance and conceit, your selfish disdain for the feelings of others made me realise you were the last man in the world I could ever marry

Darcy: Forgive me, madam, for taking up so much of your time

永远不要和层次不同的人争辩，说这句话的意思，倒不是看不起认知层次比自己低的人，也不是寻求优越感，而是想说，对待认知不同的人，争辩不是最好的相处方式。

夏虫不可语冰，它的生命本就是如此短暂，你又何必嘲笑它见识短浅不懂冬天，还非要让它承认冰的存在呢？

同样，一个人的认知局限并非全是主观不努力的结果，外界环境的限制往往占了大部分原因，你与一个认知比你低的人争辩，最终结果只能是伤人伤己。

1、认知不同，理解不同

背景知识是我们思考和理解事物的基础，就好比你不会英语，就看不懂纯英文字幕的**。

不同的人，掌握的背景知识不同，对事物的理解就会有偏差。背景知识反映了一个人过去的认知水平，又在一定程度上决定了他未来的认知水平。而背景知识相差较大的人，就没办法聊到一块去。

和认知层次比你低的人沟通，就会出现你说的他听不懂，他说的你觉得没道理的现象。而如果从沟通演变成了争论，从单纯的观点分享变成探讨对错、变成彼此一定要让对方按照自己的逻辑来思考问题，那就没有必要了。

没有人喜欢被说服，你们越是争论，越是让对方更加坚定自己的立场。如果此时的两个人还不能很好地控制自己的情绪，就会从对事物的争论上升到人身攻击的层面，最后的结果一定是伤人伤己，不欢而散。

黄执中老师曾在一篇文章里说过，每个人脑中既有的看法、想法，已然存在的观念或立场，都是无数他过去生活经验当中的偏好与选择的结果。

你如果没有办法帮一个人突破他的认知局限，就不要和他争论超出他认知范围的事物。 就像年长者对年轻人讲了一堆生活经验，但是年轻人该走的弯路还是一步不少那样，超出认知的事情，根本无法理解。

2、三观不同，圈子不同

一个人三观的形成，离不开他的成长经历、他所处的环境、他接收到的外界信息、他自己的思考……所以，三观并不会轻易改变。

所谓的三观一致，不是彼此有完全一致的兴趣爱好、性格特点，而是我们有差异但还能互相理解、彼此尊重。

而三观不同的人，对世界的看法、对人生价值的追求、看待问题的角度各不相同。

人类的悲欢本不相通，三观不同的人更是难以互相理解。安于一隅的人理解不了星辰大海的浪漫，向往诗和远方的人理解不了粗茶淡饭的幸福。

把三观不同的人强行放在一起，再怎么磨合也不会相处融洽。有共同的观念和追求的人，才会逐渐形成一个圈子。

道不同不相为谋。有的人就喜欢四处闯荡，有的人就喜欢稳定生活， 没有谁的人生观是错的，错的是非要把自己的想法强行装进别人的脑袋里，让他按照自己的意愿生活的人。

三观不同，不必争辩，圈层不同，不必强融。

同样，和蛮不讲理的人讲道理，和鼠目寸光的人讲未来，和心胸狭窄的人谈大度，和穷凶恶极的人谈善良，都是在做无用功。

3、眼界不同，格局不同

人与人之间的认知差距，并不是靠只言片语的争辩就能消除的。对待认知差异，有时候，看破不说破和沉默才是最好的应对方式。

对于认知层次比你低的人，不要用自己的认知高度去碾压他，也不要从他这里获得所谓的优越感，那样只会暴露你自己的低级。

对于认知层次比你高的人，不要急着用自己的固有认知去否定他与你不一样的观点，因为他是站在更高的地方，看到了你看不到的风景。

认知层次越低的人，越是对自己的观点深信不疑，越不能接受新观点；而认知层次越高的人，越会保持开放心态对待和自己不一样的声音。

很多时候，你以为自己登上了山顶，就能俯视山脚下的一切，殊不知，除了这座山，还有很多更高的山，而更高的山早就有人登上去了，而你还困在自己的认知局限里却不自知。

如果你能意识到自己的时间很贵，就不会把它浪费在消耗自己还毫无意义的争论上。 好好经营自己的人生，不断刷新自己的认知、开拓自己的眼界、提升自己的格局，才是破局的明智之举。